friends

chasing community

When I chose to move to Nashville, I said it was "to chase down community". A year later, I'm still chasing it. From a young age, my closest friends lived far from me. I grew up attending a Christian school, but most of the time my morals, standards, and choices were very different than those of my classmates. (I'm pretty sure the fact I received the "Best Christian Witness" award every year says more about the student body as a whole than it does of me.)

So when I went on my first mission trip at 15, teaming up with teenagers from across the country to serve in Nicaragua for a month, I was blown away to discover others my age who strived to live with conviction and character. For the first time, I was surrounded by people who were passionate about following God, serving others, and pursuing a purpose greater than ourselves. I had found my tribe.

This was long before email and cell phones were commonplace, so we kept in touch by writing letters. We exchanged novel-length scribblings, sharing the mundane and the significant, and we did whatever we could to keep our friendship close despite the miles between us. We sent care packages, we made long-distance phone calls, we planned reunions.

Every summer, my next mission trip only further increased my amazing friendships all around the nation. There's something about the mission trip environment that fosters closeness quickly. We shared intense circumstances in close quarters in a short amount of time, and the friendships that were produced have spanned decades.

Then I moved to Africa at 19, again keeping in touch long-distance with those I was closest to. So in this new season of my life, having returned Stateside and, in every way possible, starting over, I knew I wanted to be somewhere I could be physically surrounded by friends. So I came to Nashville. To chase down community.

It's been beautifully rewarding in so many ways, but it's also been hard.

Community doesn't just happen. Friendships don't just forge (even when there's an immediate connection). It takes effort. It takes intentionality. It takes time, and heart, and risk, and trust. It takes chasing.

And sometimes, to be honest, I grow weary of the chase. At times it feels like an uphill climb — a fight, a struggle — to find where I belong. To discover where I fit. To figure out how to meld my life into a church and friendship community that existed long before I showed up. To integrate into already busy lives and full schedules. To feel part of a tribe again.

Even coming to a place where I already knew people (to some degree), it's still been just plain hard. And while at times my heart has felt disappointed or sad, ultimately I know it's okay. That the struggle is part of the process. I know friendships aren't just bippity-boppity-boo'd into existence. I know the investment — of time, of heart, of the chase — is so worth it.

And so I'll keep chasing, whatever that may look like on any given day. And I'll keep choosing to trust, no matter how hard it gets. The journey, even when long or difficult or unclear, is what matters most.

What's been your own experience with chasing down community?

cliff notes

Cliff notes of my week: I spent time in DC with my sweet friend Tracee. The morning after I arrived, I ended up in a pediatric (don't ask) dentist's office on an emergency visit . What I thought was possibly a filling that fell out was actually half my tooth. Yikes.

We ate at one of my favorite restaurants from back home in South Africa---in downtown DC. (Holla if you've ever eaten at Nando's on either side of the ocean!) I was disappointed they didn't have Castle Lager, but the peri-peri chicken made my nose run and my heart happy.

I volunteered at Catalyst One Day in Baltimore, and got to sit in on pretty much the entire event. God's good like that. (I love me some leadership development!)

I wasn't sure what to expect from my Meet Me at Starbucks shout-out, and was blown away that 17 people showed up. It was interesting to see corners of my world collide as ministry supporters, old friends, and bloggers intersected in one spot.

Meet Me at Starbucks collage

It felt a little blind-date-esque to finally meet Tonggu Momma, The Gypsy Mama, Stranger, and my lurking "I'll never comment" reader from Oklahoma. (Hi Karen!)

I didn't realize the implications when I announced on twitter and Facebook that "my 'blind date' at Starbucks was so great!" One friend told me with a raised eyebrow that he wanted to hear my crazy blind date story.  Another called his wife to see if she knew anything about this date I went on. Oops.

At the last minute, I booked a ticket to Detroit. Since I arrived two nights ago, I've shot a promo video, met with some pastors, spent time with a friend who works at Thrive, and hung out with my Yeller. Good times in Michigan. I'm ready to get home to the HTL though.

What are some cliff notes from your week?

face time

Have you seen Dentyne's current ad campaign?

I think it's sheer creative genius. Mostly because it deeply resonates with people. And while it doesn't make me want to blow bubbles with Dentyne gum, it does make me want to put down my laptop and enjoy some face time.

Living in Africa for over a decade, the internet has been my life source for connections. Most of my friendships have never been sustained with phone calls, coffee dates, lunches, or visits. Instead, they've been cultivated with emails, instant messages, blogging, and video chats.

Lately I've heard a lot of dialogue about whether or not community can be found online. This much I know is true: It can. I'm grateful for the rich, genuine friendships that I've fostered over the internet.

But while I appreciate the value of "technologically advanced" friendships, I also recognize the significance of what I've missed in actual face time. A text message communicates far less than a long, tight hug. A phone call pales in comparison with the unspoken expressions of a glance or a touch. An online chat is merely a shadow of a chai-in-hand conversation on a coffee shop couch.

I'll always be grateful for whatever form of connection and affection I'm blessed to have. But whenever possible, please can I have some face time?

'Cause, seriously... What I wouldn't give for a hug like this today---

friend-request

everything's right

We went to a show downtown on Saturday. Having SweetFriend with me for my first concert in America in over twelve years was a gift. And, let me tell you, we had so much fun.

alece and sweetfriend

Apparently Mr. Man in front of us could tell we were having a blast. About 3/4 of the way through the night, he turned around and said---

"You guys definitely know how to have a good time. I think you're having more fun than anyone else in here."

Really!? We didn't think we were being loud or ostentatious at all.

Despite the fact that I can now say I've danced on a bar.

**ADDED** - Be sure you check out my disclaimer / confession.

housekeeping!

I've been on vacation for almost a week. Well, kind of. Being with my sweet friend Tracee felt like a vacation; the fact that we were in Ohio did not. (No offense, Ohioans. I'm guessing that even you'd prefer to vacate out of state!)

We talked about everything and nothing, and anything in between. And we set the bar high on doing absolutely nothing and enjoying every minute of it.

This much I know is true: Tracee is good for me.

And now I miss her. (Again.)

Vacation is over. Back to real life...

What's been the highlight of the past week for you?

make me laugh: winner

make-me-laugh-banner-smaller

I so appreciate the many of you who sent videos to make me laugh. And laugh I did, I assure you. I'm also grateful that some of you sent a video hello. My face likes seeing your faces.

The winning video had me doubled-over in laughter. I've watched it over a dozen times, and it still makes me laugh. Every. Single. Time.

The Make Me Laugh award goes to...

:: insert drum roll here ::

... Tracee and Stephanie!

I hope their video makes the rest of you laugh even half as much as I did.Watching it is definitely worth the four+ minutes you'll never get back.

Tracee and Steph? Your StarBUCKS and iCASH will be heading your way soon. Oh, and you've got a week to submit your acceptance speech video, ok? Your fans will be waiting. I know you won't disappoint us.

::

A huge thanks to all of you who participated. You seriously made my day week month.

it's the little things that count

Lots of wonderful little things happened to me this past week.

  • A friend drove four hours round-trip to spend the day with me. She reminded me I still know how to laugh.
  • Another friend made me a mixed cd of beautiful songs that my heart needed to hear. Her daughters picked out the bright flowery mailing envelope that made me smile.
  • Friend #3 mailed me a check to kick start my Wii fund. Talk about a surprise!
  • I received a knit wrap that Friend #4 handcrafted just for me, with prayers on my behalf woven into every stitch. It feels like a hug.
  • I got to hear the voice of my beloved on-the-other-side-of-the-ocean friend. That did wonders for my heart.
  • A friend bought a webcam just so I could see her. We celebrated with a webcam sleepover.

Yeah. Lots of little things.

And not a single one is little to me!

but why?

make-me-laugh-banner-smaller

Are you still working on your video for the Make Me Laugh contest? I hope you haven't forgotten about it. Oh? You have? I'll recap.

  • You send me as many self-made videos as you want.
  • Whoever makes me laugh the most, wins!
  • The prize is money at Starbucks and iTunes.
  • Deadline is tomorrow at midnight (Monday/EST).

Why make me laugh? 'Cause I love laughing. And It's good for my heart. And who can resist getting me to do this:

Of and of course 'cause you can win something.You know, if you need a selfish reason...

just what i needed

Yesterday felt like a long exhale. It felt like a warm blanket. And the first day of spring. I spent over nine hours with a wonderful friend. She's a friend I can be talkative with and also sit in comfortable silence with. And we did plenty of both. She held my hand as we shared hearts, and made me feel completely loved when she hugged me.

And the best part was: We laughed till we cried. And then we laughed some more.

the look

flaughter

If the still-shots don't prove it, maybe this will:

As I drove home at the end of my perfect day, my mind settled on one thought: My heart feels strengthened.

cathi-and-me

It was just what I needed.

contest: make me laugh!

make-me-laugh-banner-smaller

You know a cheerful heart is good medicine, right? Well, these days I keep finding myself scouring the internet for some comic relief. Laughing always feels good, but right now it feels like magic.

And it's your turn to provide me a dose of laughter medication.

Head over to the talk to me page and you'll see a new feature I recently added to the Grit. You can easily record and send me a video (or audio) message that comes straight to me. It isn't displayed online; I'm the only one who sees it.

So get your webcam rolling and create a funny video to send me. The person who makes me laugh the hardest will be declared the winner.

Contest rules:

  • You can submit as many entries as you'd like.
  • Record your video here. If you'd rather film/edit your video some other way and email it to me, that's fine, too.
  • Submissions must be received by midnight (EST) on Monday, January 12th 19th.
  • Winning video will be displayed on my blog.
  • Winner will receive some bucks to spend at two of my favorite places to drop cash: Starbucks and iTunes.

Got it? Let me know if you have any questions!

This is your time to shine. And my time to laugh.

Bring it on!

:::::

**POST UPDATE**

Winner announced!

the love of a friend

I've spent four of the past eight New Year's Eves with my best friend. Not too bad of a track record considering we've lived on different continents for the majority of that time. On New Year's Day, Kitty and Peaberry flew back to South Africa. My heart feels full just thinking of the hugs my friend received at the Johannesburg airport from her husband and son. And at the same time, my heart hurts because she's gone.

But mostly I'm humbled and overwhelmed that she even came with me and spent the past three weeks by my side. I hope she really knows how much I love her...

spilling my guts

spilling-my-guts

Now that my self-assigned writing project is over, I'm afraid of the direction my blog may go if I write what's on my mind and heart. So I'm trying to find the balance of being authentic and not letting the Grit morph into something I don't want it to be.

That being said, I know I need to start the new year off with a good dose of honesty. Brace yourself.

Like the earth after a drought, I'm finding I quickly soak up the love that's lavished on me, and then---just as quickly---it disappears. I don't doubt the sincerity of those who love me, it's just that it all rapidly sinks deep into the parched recesses of my heart, and the rest stays cracked and dry.

I guess that means my love tank ran empty. I've been running on empty for a long time.

I feel unloved and unwanted. Worse, I feel unlovable and unwantable. I'm trying to not believe those lies, but nine times out of ten, I do.

I've been advised not to worry too much about battling my fears of co-dependency right now. Because I'm in a place where I genuinely need people and need to allow myself to rely on them. The realization of all those things pretty much overwhelms me.

But deep down, I know this much is true: I was not created to be an island. It is okay healthy for me to crave connection and community. There is nothing wrong with a season of being the care taker rather than the caretaker. (That's confusing, but let that sink in a bit.)

I'm not at all saying any of this to invoke compliments or anything like that. So please don't. I just knew I needed to be honest with where I'm at, both with myself and with you.

Thanks for continuing to care about this gritty heart of mine, and being willing to read what comes out of it. That means a heck of a whole lot.

take two

Seems like my New Year's Eve post was a little ambiguous. A few of you asked how to actually go about sending yourself an email you'll only receive next year. Sorry I wasn't very clear. If you wanted to do it but couldn't figure out how, or just didn't get to it yet, here's your chance.

Click on this:

email

It'll redirect you to a page where you can write the email. Go ahead and set the send-date for December 31,2009 so that you receive it on the very last day of the year.

His mercies are new today---can you feel 'em?

eleven: o'clock dreams

Our flight from South Africa was long and eventful, and we were so glad to touch down on American soil when we finally landed in Washington, DC yesterday morning.

As we went through customs, there were signs that read "Welcome to the United States" and a monotone voice declared the same greeting over the PA system. But nothing made me feel like I was home as when we walked through the final set of doors into the terminal and I saw St. Arbucks.

red-cups-of-happiness-small

My venti non-fat, extra-hot chai in a glorious red cup of happiness was worth every penny.

We settled in at the house, ate some food, and called it an early night.

six: days and then rest... or death?

All too often I work on the Sabbath. And apparently, that means I should be long dead by now. For six days, work is to be done, but the seventh day is a Sabbath of rest, holy to the Lord. Whoever does any work on the Sabbath day must be put to death.

Thank the Lord for grace. I'm just sayin'.

I wanna hear from you:

What does Sabbath mean to you? How diligent are you at keeping a day of Sabbath each week? Got any tips for keeping one day "holy to the Lord"?

Talk amongst yourselves.