thirty: years old

I turned thirty this year. Just typing it out loud makes me feel old. I know anyone older than me will shake their head and tell me that thirty isn't old. But it is to me. Right now anyway. While I'm not a "here's a list of what I want to do before I'm 30" kind of girl, I'm still not where I'd have wanted to be by now. I would have hoped that by this point in my life, I'd...

  • exude more confidence.
  • be an admirable wife.
  • lead well.
  • know how to trust.
  • be ten pounds slimmer.
  • have mastered a skill.
  • enjoy praying more.
  • know who I am.

Looking back over that list, at the prompting of a friend, I see how I've made progress in each of those things.

I speak with more conviction and carry myself more confidently than ever before. I'm actively taking steps to be a wife other women would want to emulate. I'm learning to lead with vulnerability.

Which means I'm discovering how to trust. Again.

I've made healthier choices for what I'm eating, and have committed to train for a 5K. Blogging has made me a better writer.

I'm at a unique place in my walk with God which, while it doesn't always seem "strong", is about me offering Him my brokenness. And as I get reacquainted with the strength of God perfected in my weakness, I am reminded of the simple truth of who I am: I am His.

So here I am, at the end of another year. A woman who's not quite where she wants to be, but who's choosing to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Even if it's only because she's letting someone carry her. Or drag her.

I do still feel old, though. I think I need to go out for a drink.

Just so I can feel flattered when they card me.

four-minute friday: do me a favor

Go. I've been contemplating my four-minute post for a few hours now and, with no clear topic in mind, I finally decided to just start typing.

Last night was my last intern class of the year. It was overwhelmingly incredible, to say the least. But I already blogged about that over on the Field Blog.

This afternoon I'm taking the interns for their last visit to Hope House. I know it's going to be emotional; they've poured themselves into these kids for an entire year...

We leave Monday morning at the ungodly hour of 4:00 to drive to Cape Town for a week of debriefing. I'm looking forward to one last hurrah with them. And I can't wait to see me some jackass penguins. (I'm serious! They exist! And they live in Africa!)

I talk often about the revolving door of my life in ministry --- how I tire of the constant turnaround of people. I must confess: I've grown to dread this time of year. All the goodbyes and the need to reopen my heart to start over? Man oh man, it's hard for me.

So will you do me a favor? Every time you drink a hot frothy beverage in one of those gloriously divine red to-go cups, remember me and say a quick prayer for my heart.


straight talk to men

Men---all few of you who read my blog---can I talk to you for just a minute? I'll be quick, I promise. The way you love your wife shows her the way Christ loves her. What?! Too much pressure for a fallen man?! I didn't say it; God did. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church..."

Your wife will believe and experience Christ's love for her only to the degree that she believes and experiences your love for her. God can miraculously work in anyone's heart and life, and women with very ungodly husbands can certainly still experience intimacy with Christ. But God puts the responsibility on you to show your wife how much God loves her.

Help your wife believe that Christ thinks she's valued, treasured, and adored today.