Doing unto others as you'd want them to do unto you is the best way to live.
But...
It can also create the expectation that others will eventually return the favor and start doing for you as you do for them, and then bring disappointment when they don't.
How do you live in the midst of that tension?
Talk amongst ya-selves.
Bracing for the backlash that I am likely to get for this, but... here goes...
I miss kissing.
Your turn.
No, I didn't forget to title this post. I named it after my friend Blaine Hogan's book, Untitled.
I love that he titled it that. So brilliant! It speaks of a work in progress. Of not being done yet. Of the middle having as much significance as the end.
A lot like our lives.
Blaine is an artist, actor, writer, and producer. After 12 years as a professional actor, he's now the Creative Director at Willow Creek Community Church in Chicago.
You might know him from the 2010 Global Leadership Summit.
I met him at the STORY conference, where he delivered the most powerful opening monologue about sharing our whole story.
Blaine is one of my favorite creatives. (All you have to do is watch his dance videos to know why!) I love his perspective -- the unique way he sees the world and shows it to others.
Blaine pulls no punches.
And his book is no exception.
Untitled is a collection of his thoughts and reflections on the creative process, from 15 years of experience in the field. He candidly shares his own discoveries about failure, fear, rejection, and creating from the inside out.
In Untitled, Blaine is poignantly honest about the unsexy work that goes into filling blank pages. As creatives, as artists, we can't just wait around for inspiration to show up. We need to do the hard work every day to seek out and capture ideas.
For me, as an aspiring author, and one who often finds herself at a loss for words and clear ideas, I so appreciated Blaine's practical tips. Untitled taught me to scratch when I don't itch and to force myself to write on a blank surface -- of any variety -- every single day. (You'll have to read the book to fully understand both those references. But I assure you, that alone makes it a worthwhile read.)
I asked Blaine a couple questions, so he could share a little more of his heart with the Grit community...
In Untitled you point out that we don't learn from our experiences... we learn by reflecting on our experiences. What new things have you learned by reflecting on your experience of writing this book?
This is so true. It's only when we take the time reflect do we really understand the significance of any given moment. For starters, I can't believe I wrote a book during the first few months of our daughter Ruby's life. I mean, what was I thinking!? So while my wife was giving birth, so was I. I suppose I didn't want her to be the only one having so much fun. In the end, I find myself returning to the book by way of quotes that people have posted since the book's release, and as I read them, I realize how much I need what I wrote to be true.
Tell us about some of the grit and some of the glory in your life right now.
As I mentioned, we have a new baby. Ruby is now 8 months old. She is beautiful, fiery, fun, exhausting, and full of life. As I experience the glory of this gorgeous baby, I'm struck with stories of my own that have been buried away for sometime. There's something about being entrusted with another human being that has forced me to look at some of the sadder moments of my childhood. The thing is, I thought I was done with that work — I've been through a lot of therapy. And yet there has been great healing in the pain as well.
Can we expect another dance party video anytime soon?
Great question. I haven't decided. I started doing them in a time where I felt like I wasn't doing anything scary and I wasn't doing anything that was simply fun. Having a baby right now is certainly filling the scary and fun void at the moment... so we'll see!
Buy Untitled for only $4.99. Connect with Blaine on Twitter and his blog.
Would you share with Blaine & the whole Grit family about some of the grit and glory in your own life right now?
Control is the greatest of all illusions. We don't have as much control as we think we do, and yet, at the same time, we have more control than we realize.
Let me try to explain.
I have no control over other drivers on the road or how fast (or slow) my Starbucks barista makes my drink. I can't control what people think about me. I can't control the answers to my prayers or the ways I'd like to see God show up in my life. I can't control crazy circumstances like accidents, surprise illnesses, or high pain days. I can't control the ways other people's decisions impact my life.
I have zero control over any of those things, no matter how badly I wish I did.
But — and this is a big but — I do have control over more than I like to admit. It's just not over the things I'd like to be in control of.
I don’t have control over my circumstances. But I do have control over myself.
No matter what happens to me or what others do, I can control my own choices, responses, and actions.
If I choose to.
But the choice is mine.
In difficult situations, it's up to me to choose joy. When the wait is long, it's up to me to choose patience. When trust is hard, it is up to me to choose to trust anyway.
So my One Word for 2012?
I want to be more mindful of the choices I have when everything seems out of control. I want to be more intentional to choose Him and His ways, even when it's hard. I want to be more purposeful in my responses and reactions to circumstances and people in my life.
I want to remember that while there may be many things I lack, I always have a choice.
And I want to choose well...
The challenge is simple: Scrap the long list of resolutions you want to make this year (even though you know you really won't keep them) and instead, pick just one word.
There is so much clarity in the simplicity of one word.
It narrows down all your big life-change plans into one single thing. It paints a picture for your future — a clear vision you can take steps toward. It focuses you more on the journey than a to-do list, because that's where character is built.
One word that will serve as a compass for your actions, decisions, and priorities. All year long.
One word. 365 days.
Deep-down heart change can be found in a single word.
What's yours?
Check out the brand-new One Word 365 site:
I looked for God this year.
I found Him in the breathtaking coast of the Pacific Northwest, the smile of my godson, the matchless feeling of being believed in, and the beautiful liturgy of Communion.
I saw Him in friends who journey with me for the long haul, from mourning with me when I mourn all the way to rejoicing with me when I rejoice... and back again.
I found Him in the the tear-stained pillowcase of a broken heart. And in the stomach-hurts-can't-breathe laughter of pure joy.
I saw Him in the glimmers of hope awakened in my heart, the generosity of friends acting as His hands of provision, and the signs of autumn promising me that this season is drawing to a close.
I looked for God this year.
I saw Him in gifts given and taken away... In endings and beginnings, doors closing and opening, friendships starting and ceasing.
I found Him in the life and death of one of His beloved servants.
I saw Him in the small minutia of my every day, discovering again how much He cares about my small things.
I found Him in pain-ridden arms held high, music that steals my breath and draws my heart ever closer to Him, and a candlelit gymnasium cathedral on Christmas Eve.
I saw Him in my own desperate need for grace.
I looked for God this year.
And looking will remain my lifelong journey...
I have had so many incredible conversations about One Word over the past few weeks. I love hearing and reading about people's journeys this past year and how God's used their word to shape their life. A. Ma. Zing.
If you write a year-end post, make sure you come back here to link up. (Which reminds me... I still need to write mine!)
I'm working on a new website for One Word 2012... I'm so sorry I haven't rolled it out yet. I'd hoped to, but... well... technical and schedule difficulties prevailed...
In the meantime, start thinking about your word for next year.
And have an amazing Christmas, my friends.
God is with us!
I want to be the friend who gets the call first. The one who's told the big/important/great/awful news first. I want to be somebody's somebody. Their best, favorite, whatever...
And He is jealous for me...
I find myself feeling hurt when I'm left out or disregarded, or when I realize a relationship isn't as close as I thought it was. I want to feel like others are pursuing and investing in friendship as much as I am.
And He is jealous for me...
I see what others have — in things, in strengths, in relationships, in ministry, in influence, in personality — and I secretly wish I had them too.
And He is jealous for me...
I look back over a lifetime of living in others' shadows. And while I actually prefer not being the one in the spotlight, I realize how often it's left me feeling invisible. And how much I long to simply be seen.
And He is jealous for me...
My heart is filled with jealousy... Over things and people and callings and opportunities.
And He is jealous for me...
He.
Is jealous.
For me.
You know all of Jesus' "the Kingdom of heaven is like..." talks? I've heard them a lot, so sometimes I stop hearing them. But the other day I heard one of them with new ears. I was reading about the guy who found the treasure in the field.
I've read that passage quite a few times in my life, but this time I saw something I'd never seen before. The man found the treasure and then hid it again. For the first time, I asked myself why he didn't just take it.
Selling his stuff and buying the field proved the value the treasure held for him.
It was worth more than petty larceny. It was worth all he had, and his actions demonstrated that.
Yes, he could have just pocketed the treasure, walked off with it and no one would have known. But he decided it was worth more than that.
Worth so much, in fact, that he hid it again, went and sold all his belongings, and then came back and bought the field.
He didn't buy the field for the field's sake. He bought it for the sake of the treasure.
The field had value only because of the treasure it held.
And I have value because of the treasure I hold---Christ in me, the hope of glory.
The treasure of Christ is freely mine for the taking, but if I truly value that gift, I will sacrifice to lay hold of it. To lay hold of Him.
Too many days I just pocket the Treasure. Or worse, I leave it buried.
I want my life to show the value I place on the Treasure that is Christ.
One of the things I love most about living in Nashville is the sheer amount of creativity that resides here. Seriously. Everyone seems to be oozing with talent and giftedness.
The most obvious are the musicians, of which there are many. And they have more musical talent in their pinky fingers than I have in my whole body. I absolutely love and appreciate good music, so it's incredible to live somewhere where there's always good music to be found.
But the creative genius in this city spreads much wider than the music industry.
Writers. Speakers. Artists. Photographers.
I've witnessed creative parenting. Cooking. Blogging. Couponing (mm-hmm, you read that right).
All creative story-tellers and story-makers in their own unique ways.
I am so thankful for the opportunity to interact with people who are very different from me. I thrive on conversations that stretch my thinking and my natural bent.
I've had access to a friend's car for the past few weeks, so I've purposefully filled my days with people. Friends, old and new. Creatives in diversely unique areas. Conversations that leave me thinking for days afterward.
I've sought out awkward and uncomfortable situations (for this introvert) because they challenge me in good ways. In the words of my friend Blaine Hogan, "Awkwardness creates space for us to transform into better versions of ourselves if we let it." So I've been intentional about spending time in new places, uncommon situations, and with people who differ greatly from me.
And it leaves me feeling overwhelmingly grateful. For creative differences. For opportunities. For people who see and embrace me for me.
I'm thankful for different.
Because different keeps me from staying stuck in same.
What's something uncomfortable that you can intentionally pursue this week?
I met my friend Jen Price on Twitter. (Story of my life these days... And I love it!) After a few Tweet convos, blog visits, and emails, I knew we were kindred spirits.
She and her husband Jeremy pioneered a ministry in South Africa a decade+ ago and are currently back in the States on sabbatical. Jeremy just finished up work on his debut EP project, and I got a sneak peek a few weeks ago.
Now, those who know me well know I have zero music skills, but that I love love love good music.
Believe me when I tell you, Jeremy's EP Acquired Taste is definitely good music.
I love the irony of the album name, because it's certainly anything but an acquired taste. Right off the bat, Jeremy drew me in with his raw honesty, the simplicity of his acoustic style, and his poignant lyrics. (I'm such a words girl!)
Acquired Taste is peaceful and profound. It is compelling, unique, and soul-stirring.
I asked Jeremy about his heart and journey with this project, and how his work in Africa ties in with it all. In his own words---
I have been writing songs for over 15 years and spent much of my early adult life playing music all over the world. The last few years I have set it aside while building Ten Thousand Homes. But now is the time. Ten Thousand Homes is a movement of ordinary people actively building HOPE and creating HOMES for Africa’s orphans and vulnerable children. In creating home for these children we try to inspire them to pursue joy. In the midst of great tragedy and loss, we desire for them to pursue their dreams, that which gives them joy. My pursuit in joy has always led me to music. And one day I realized that to really help these guys I must all out pursue that which gives me joy. So for the first time, freaked out and completely blessed, I am releasing my first EP, Acquired Taste. I chose songs that were not all written recently. One was written this year, while others go back as far as 8 years ago. The title track Acquired Taste was written while in the bush of Africa. I really wanted to represent a journey, and while this is a simple recording, I am extremely proud of it! What I know now is that this is only the beginning! I continue to work in Africa, and while Ten Thousand Homes has no paid staff, the sale of these albums does help the work continue. Thank you for listening. Thank you for investing in dreams. Now, go pursue that which brings you joy!
So do yourself a favor, and go listen to Jeremy's incredible album. If you like what you hear, and I know you will, you can download it for as little as $3! You can't beat that!
Listen to and Download Acquired Taste.
Then share with the rest of the class...
What is it that brings you joy?
Sounds a bit strange to say this, but one of the very few constants I've had over the past 4 years is my online community. The other day, my friend Tracee described my blog as being my "one consistent home." I love the imagery of that because it perfectly describes how my heart feels with my friends around the world, even if I may only get to connect with them through a computer screen.
For years while living overseas, my lifeline was found in emails, blogs, podcasts, & downloadable sermons.
It's how I stayed connected to people and found ways to keep my heart and spirit filled up. I never really had internet reliable or fast enough to stream a live church service, but dang I would have loved that!
As I've moved around America over the past couple years, my online friends were the only ones who moved with me everywhere I went.
Having known what it's like to rely on the internet for community---due to location, circumstances, whatever---I believe strongly in social media and online church. I just appreciate and value the impact it can make in someone's life, because I know the impact it's had in mine.
So even though I attend church on Sunday mornings, I'm also involved in Cross Point's Internet Campus in the evenings. And I love it.
We watch the same message that is shared at all Cross Point campuses that day, and there is always great discussion in the chat. People share their thoughts, ask questions, pray for one another... It's insightful and, honestly, a lot of fun.
My favorite element is that after the message, Pete Wilson (or whoever spoke that day) makes himself available for a live Q&A with those watching online.
I love that!
I have never before known a pastor who openly invites people to ask him questions about his message and his own faith journey. I've seen Pete get asked some difficult questions, and he always responds with honesty and humility.
So... If you're craving some more community, aren't able to make it out to church, or just want to hear some solid teaching... then you should join us at the Internet Campus.
Let's go to church together this Sunday night!
Sundays at 6:00 PM Central Time crosspoint.tv/live
Have you ever done church online? What are your thoughts?
I moved to Nashville to chase down community. With everything I've gone through in the past few years, I knew I needed a strong group of people around me as I get settled back into life in America and embark on Me 2.0. Through social media, I'd gotten to know quite a few people in and around Nashville. I'd found friends. I'd found an amazing church. I'd found community. So this is where I decided to land.
And there's nowhere else I'd rather be.
Though since I've gotten here, community hasn't taken shape like I fairy-tale-hoped it would. Like everything in life, it doesn't just happen. It takes hard work. I've been seeking it out as I've been able, and learning to trust God with all of it.
Friendships don't always pan out the way you'd like them to. People move away; seasons change; life is busy. So my community looks very different than I'd anticipated. Not in a bad way... just different. I love the unexpected new friends God has brought into my life, and at times still mourn the loss of others.
Finding out who your friends are -- and who they aren't -- is sometimes a painful lesson. Ultimately good, but hard nonetheless.
So I'm on a journey of discovering what it means to hold people and relationships loosely while still investing deeply and authentically. (I'm pretty sure I've been on this journey my whole life...)
I don't know where the line is. Or if there even is a line.
How do I maintain a soft heart and tough skin? I honestly don't know.
As usual, I have more questions than answers here at The Grit. There's no red bow to wrap this up neatly, because these are lessons I'm still learning. A path I'm still navigating. Things I'm still just Forrest-Gumping my way through.
But this much I know is true: I am so very grateful for the incredible people God has placed in my life, near and far. My friends truly make my life richer. I owe so much to the grace, generosity, faithfulness, and love of friends.
On friendships... What's something you struggle with? What's something you know for sure?
I just stumbled upon the beginnings of a blog post that's been collecting dust in my drafts folder since January. I am the queen of unfinished ideas and unpublished posts. Sigh...
Anyway.
Back in January I attended Dream Year Weekend here in Nashville. I was wrestling through my own feelings of dreamlessness, and didn't know how to reconcile that with all the amazing stuff I was hearing at Dream Year. I had some candid conversations with a few key friends to help me sort through my own heart thoughts.
Segments of one of those conversations (a text convo at that!) have been sitting in my dusty draft blog post folder all this time.
It is amazing to see the truth and strength of the words spoken to me almost a year ago, and how they have taken shape in my life over the course of this year.
The cliff-notes version of my friend's wisdom:
That was a whole lotta wisdom and a whole lotta truth. In a text conversation. That my friend probably doesn't even remember having.
You know what I titled the draft post I had those bullet-points saved in?
"Me 2.0"
And a year later, I find myself finally realizing and embracing that.
Me 2.0.
I've begun recognizing ways that my passions and heart can continue to be lived out, even though my ministry in Africa closed. Even though it looks totally different than anything I'd ever anticipated.
So as I sit here thinking through all this, and finally turning this dusty draft into a real, live post... all I keep thinking is this:
You really never know how impactful your words can be in someone's life. Even a simple text message can make a world of difference.
So, today...
Speak into your loved ones' situation. In person, on the phone, in an email, via text... whatever. Just speak life into their heart.
They need it even more than you'll ever know.
December is here. (Can you believe it?) And it's got me wondering how your One Word journey has been. I'm still amazed at the 300-people-strong community that rallied around the One Word challenge this year. I hope each of you, in unique and different ways, experienced your word come to life.
We would all benefit from hearing each other's journeys.
So do us all a favor -- yourself included -- and make time this month to write a post about your own personal One Word journey.
The places it took you -- inwardly and outwardly...
How it shaped your year...
How it shaped you...
And where it leaves you as the year comes to an end.
Then come back and link up your Wrap-Up post so we can rally around one another for one last surge of encouragement, inspiration, and challenge as we conclude One Word 2011.
Don't forget that the year isn't over yet. Be intentional everyday about finishing strong.
You've got this.
And you've got an army of One Worders standing with you.
I've got some exciting things in the works for One Word 2012! If you haven't already, start thinking about your word for next year.
The week I moved in with the Hodges back in February, Tam put up a blog post to let people know. It was short and sweet, but beautiful (and still brings me tears to this day). In it, she asked everyone to share something that would help strengthen my heart. "I would love if you’d be willing to share the biggest piece of wisdom in life that you have."
The responses that flooded in were absolutely incredible. They were filled with encouragement... truth... wisdom... love. I am as amazed now as I was then at the incredible friends God has blessed my life with. I may lack in many areas, but this much I know is true: I am rich in friendship.
Anyway... I was reading back through all those amazing comments again tonight, and I got a lump in my throat when I came to Gitz's.
"don't let fear have the power. be faithful to the struggle and live to fulfill, not understand."
There is still so much for me in her words. Maybe even more today than back in February.
And while I wrestle to understand the full meaning of those statements and how to live them out in my own life, I have to smile with tear-filled eyes because Sara showed me how.
She is my greatest example of not letting fear have the power, being faithful to the struggle, and living to fulfill rather than understand.
Just... wow.
With how impactful (why isn't that a real word?) all the comments on that post were to me, I'm going to cheat and just ask you Tam's question again. Because you guys have some seriously good stuff to share, and I can use every ounce of it I can get my hands on!
So -- without first looking back to see what you shared on Tam's post back in February ----
"I would love if you’d be willing to share the biggest piece of wisdom in life that you have. Maybe it’s an old saying handed down from your Grandparents. Or, a favorite verse. Or something you’ve learned in your own life-journey. Perhaps share words of encouragement… Whatever it is, share it here."
I know we will all be better for it.
It's a red letter day.
No, it's not a holiday. Or my birthday. Or really a day of any special significance at all.
It's just another Monday.
Which is more than enough reason.
It's a red letter day.
His new mercies kissed me awake this morning.
He commanded the sun to shine and the earth to spin and gravity to do its job.
He breathed out so I could breathe in.
So who am I to grumble and complain about just another Monday?
It's a red letter day.
And I need to live like I believe it.
Less griping. More gratitude.
Less frustration. More praise.
For He is worthy.
And I am blessed.
On this red letter Monday.
Let's have a little fun together this holiday weekend, shall we?
I say we play a round of I Spy. Remember that game? Of course you do...
So, let's pretend for a moment that the commenter immediately before you has the magical ability to look through your computer screen. They can see you and your surroundings. (Don't be alarmed. It's only make-believe...) And you can look through the screen of whoever stumbles along next.
So with that in mind, here's how we play:
Respond to the last comment and tell us what your through-the-computer visitor might have spied based on their clue.
Then leave a clue for the next person, telling them what you spy through their screen.
Make sense?
I'll start us off. I'm looking through the computer monitor of the first commentator, and...
I spy with my little eye something that is out of place.
One of my favorite Thanksgiving traditions is my post-it-note wall of thanks.
I'm declaring this our very own Gritty family wall of thanks.
And my first post-it would be:
Don't know Sara? Read about her Choose Joy legacy...
What would yours be? (List as many as you want!)
If you're on Twitter and Instagram, let's keep adding to our #WallOfThanks there all day today.
Happy Thanksgiving, my amazing Gritty family!
I think about all that the disciples must have heard... and seen... and experienced. And I honestly can't even imagine.
I mean, I read through the Gospels and when I look at the stories from the perspective of the disciples... just... wow.
The teachings they heard. The miracles they saw unfold before their very eyes. The healings they witnessed. Their inner-circle conversations with Jesus.
Amazing.
It's clear they believed. They left their nets... their jobs... their families. They dropped everything to follow Him. They walked with Him, served Him, and told others about Him. They loved Him. They put their faith in Him.
But despite all they'd seen, heard, and experienced, it took a storm to compel them to worship Him.
Jesus stayed on shore for some solitude and prayer time, and sent His disciples across the lake in the boat. A storm kicked up and the sea grew rough. They were in serious trouble, rowing hard and struggling against the wind and waves. Out of nowhere, Jesus appeared, walking on the water toward them.
"Take courage," He told them. "I'm here."
Peter responded in reckless faith (which I love), and climbed over the edge of the boat, walking on the water toward Jesus. When he focused on the wind and waves, Peter became terrified and began to sink. Jesus reached out and grabbed him. Together they climbed into the boat and instantly the wind stopped.
Then, the Scriptures tell us -- "Then the disciples worshipped Him. 'You really are the Son of God!' they exclaimed."
Now, I have no idea whether or not this was the first time the disciples actually worshipped Jesus. But from what I can tell, this is the first recorded time. And there has to be something to that.
After all they had witnessed, it took a storm to compel them to worship.
The very presence of Christ in the midst of their fear and pain and struggle, led them to worship in a way they never had before.
Sometimes -- oftentimes -- there is more insight to be gained and lessons to be learned in adversity than in success.
Sometimes -- oftentimes -- we see Christ in new and compelling ways more in trials than in triumphs.
And sometimes -- oftentimes -- we can glorify God more because of our sufferings than our miracles.
Now, believe me, I don't like that any more than you do.
But my own experience tells me this is as true for me as it was for the disciples.
In the darkest of darkness, when the storms are raging the hardest, those are the times my heart is most drawn to true and genuine worship.
Because He is worthy even in the storm.