four-minute friday: unshaken

Go. In thinking about what to post today, I couldn't help but feel the weight of the actual date. I thought about describing where I was when I heard the news this fateful day 8 years ago, but wondered what it would accomplish to tell you I was in the living room of my chicken-coop-turned-apartment in Africa, and it was snowing outside.

I considered telling you about the NYC firefighter I knew who died doing the very thing he'd always dreamed of. But I don't have it in me to muster up all the words it'd take to tell that story.

So really all I want to say is, I remember. As I know we all do. And I am grateful. Grateful for the country I call my home and the God who stands unshaken above it. Grateful that He is in control even when everything seems out of control. And grateful that He is still righteous and just when all I'm seeing feels the opposite of that.

Today I remember.

And give thanks for His faithfulness.

Done.

but there is a God in heaven

"No mere human can solve the king's mystery, I don't care who it is---no wise man, enchanter, magician, diviner. But there is a God in heaven who solves mysteries, and He has solved this one."

-Daniel 2:27-28

I don't have all the answers. Honestly, in my search for some, I've just ended up with more questions.

The past year has been filled with more uncertainties, more shifting sand, than I've ever imagined possible. It's felt as though everything in my life has a question mark after it. And I so want to start finding some periods. I desire conclusion. I want certainty and understanding. I long for things to simply make sense.

But they don't.

Not only is my future a mystery, much of my present is as well. And while I love a good mystery in print or on screen, right now I'm really not enjoying the mystery that is my life. I'm burdened by the ambiguity of my situation and by my paradoxical emotions. My own heart is an enigma I can't make sense of.

My life---my circumstances, my understanding, my way forward, my very heart---is a mystery. One that no mere human can solve, I don't care who it is.

But there is a God in heaven who solves mysteries. And He's solved even this one.

four-minute friday: the mountain

Go. I'd decided I was gonna run the mountain this week. But I didn't do it. I don't really have a good excuse except... I don't really want to. I'm making myself do it. Well, apparently I'm not making myself do it. But I intended to.

Kind of ironic that it takes self-discipline to have self-discipline. Wait. Wha?! Exactly.

So I'm going public with my mountainous intentions. That creates some accountability and motivation for me. Really what it creates is pressure, which will get me to run that hill because I should. Because y'all know about it now. (I gotta admit, this Yankee has found y'all to be pretty handy at times.)

So here goes. This coming week, I'm gonna do it. I'll shave my legs so I can wear shorts, put on my running shoes, grab my iPod with a playlist made just for the occasion, and I will get my procrastinating self to the top of that darn mountain!

Just as a disclaimer: By "run the mountain", what I really mean is "run as much of it as I can with my out-of-shapeness and angry-lung-inducing asthma, but really I'd just be happy to make it to the top at all". So it'll probably be more walk than run, but even that's a stretch for this indoor girl.

Did I mention I'm living in Hotlanta?! Yeah. I'll let you know how it goes.

What mountain are you tackling next week?

Done.

the God who restores

God will restore me. That short sentence packs a serious punch. I keep finding myself repeating it with the emphasis on each word. And the significance of the statement changes for me each time. God will restore me.

God will restore me.

God will restore me.

God will restore me.

The truth of all four of those statements is wrapped up in this one verse:

"And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast."

I am desperate for God's restoration in my life. And I need to trust that He's already in the process of restoring me, even when it doesn't look or feel like it. He is the God who restores.

He says He will restore---

• my health
• my path
• my comfort
• my fortunes
• my soul
• my life
• twice as much
• the joy of my salvation
• the years that were stolen from me
• the places in my life that have been devastated

God will restore me. And then I will be strong, firm, and steadfast.

And that gives me hope.

in God i (want to) trust

I trust God. I do. But I don't always live like I trust Him.

So I've been talking to Him about that lately. Because I want to trust, not just in theory or words or intention, but with my whole heart. I want to trust His everything with my everything.

I started listing out the things I have the hardest time trusting Him with. But He interrupted me. And with His perfectly simple statement, He summed it all up:

"Trust Me in this --- what I say about Myself and what I say about you."

His words got my attention. It's true---Since I don't trust who He says He is, I can't trust who He says I am. And those two foundational things are at the very core of all I need to work through in my life.

It's time. I'm being intentional about growing in those areas of trust.

Because I don't want to just say I trust Him. I want my life to actually show that I do.