muscle memory

2019 didn’t go as I’d planned or hoped. I’m fairly certain I feel that way about every year though, so I suppose that says more about me than about the previous 365 days.

EMBRACE.

That was my challenge and my gift this year. Looking back, I see ways that I embraced the pain and the joy, the impossible hardships and the beautiful victories, the moments I’d craved as well as those I wish I could have avoided. I embraced the grief of what isn’t while also embracing the beauty of what is. I embraced the seven-layer-dip of my emotions as I continue to learn to face, feel, and release each one as it comes.

EMBRACE.

As always, I haven’t arrived at a finish line but I developed some “muscle memory” and will be taking this word — this focus — with me even as a new year begins.

And tonight, as we close the chapter on this year and this decade, I will shut my eyes tight, let out a deep sigh, and give myself permission to start fresh.

right here in the waiting

“There is a life to be lived
right here in the waiting.”

— Morgan Harper Nichols

My One Word 365 journey with the word embrace has been a challenging one. Like a rock in my shoe, it‘s remained an ever-present discomfort — one I wish at times I could shake myself free from. But there it remains. Pestering me to find contentment in my discontent. Gently reminding me there is much good in my now, even when my now doesn’t match the one I’d envisioned for myself. Whispering to me, “Don’t forget to breathe.” Inspiring me to lean into finding and strengthening the healthiest version of myself.

Embrace.

It’s led me to quiet resolve, to inner strength, to vulnerable release, to much-needed solitude, to joy and heartache and everything in between. It’s led me to simply feel. To simply be. To simply hold space for my own self.

And once again I am reminded that regardless of the distance between now and not-yet, “there is a life to be lived right here in the waiting.” And I shake my head at the gentle annoyance of that rock in my shoe. Oh, Embrace... You’re not quite done with me yet...

embrace

My intention this year is to embrace more. Embrace my life. Myself. My decisions, passions, needs. The moment. The one who's right in front of me. My feelings (including the light ones). My hopes (as well as my fears).

So I’ve been thinking a lot about what it really means to embrace these things. And—as I’ve realized is a bit of a pattern with me—I’m mostly thinking about what it doesn’t mean.

‘Embrace’ is not always synonymous with ‘accept’. Sometimes it means making room for something else. Releasing. Letting go.

Embracing that which makes me discontent is to acknowledge it. Look it in the eye. Call it by name. Wrestle with it. And determine which needs to change: its presence or my perspective on it.

My aim is to find more contentment in my discontent. To embrace even that which is uncomfortable. And to more honestly and courageously call things by their actual name.

one word. for one year.

Resolutions just never worked for me. Usually, by about February, I couldn’t even remember what my resolutions were. They stood simply as reminders of failure: a long list of goals that I didn’t accomplish. So I abandoned them.

For almost a decade now, I’ve chosen just one word to guide me in the coming year. One word that serves as my compass, guiding my decisions and helping me live more intentionally. It acts as a barometer, a touch point. And, unlike resolutions, it’s easy to stay mindful of all year long.

I usually have a love/hate relationship with my word. Scaring me at least a little is a prerequisite, as it needs to challenge me rather than comfort me. And this coming year is no different.

In 2019, I choose to EMBRACE my life, my moments, my limitations, my strengths... all of it. With equal measures of dread and anticipation, I look forward to seeing where my word will take me. And to discovering who my word will make me.

One word. For one year. Will you join me? What word will you choose to guide you in 2019?