even in the storm

My heart feels stormy. The violently churning waves of past, present, and future are making me seasick.  The loud, thunderous rumbles of my thoughts cause my heart to skip a beat. Lightning bolts of reality crash through my moments, lighting everything up and making them feel frighteningly worse all in the same moment.

It's a lie that lightning doesn't strike in the same place twice.

Because hope has been shattered far more than once. The black, ashy scars are proof.

I'm trying to trust. I really am. I want my heart to feel securely anchored in Him, even when the waves are crashing over me and it's so dark that I can't see my hand in front of my face. But usually I'm too busy gasping for air, flailing my arms, and being tossed about in the huge swells.

I can't even really swim... And I'm worn out from my pathetic attempts at doggy-paddling.

I'm praying today for my heart to rest in the assurance that He is trustworthy. And in the firm belief that no matter what happens... He is good.

Even in the storm.