august rush

How is it August already? I feel like I've lost my year. And at the same time, I've endured more in the past seven months than I ever thought possible in a lifetime. Looking back, I'm saddened. Frustrated. Angry. Hurting. All I can do is shake my head. My eyes fill with tears. My story overwhelms me, burdens me. I feel as though I can't breathe, as though life has been sucked from my lungs. I'm suffocated by my own heartache.

Looking forward, I can feel the promise in turning the calendar page. New day, new month, new hope. The uncertainties and question marks linger, though. And while I know it's out there, I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Even when I strain my neck and stand on my tiptoes.

But looking up---Looking up, I am awed. He is so big, and I am so small. Just me. And yet He sees me, knows me, cares for me. He's holding me. He's got it all under control, even when it all feels so out of control. He is my help. My shield. My shelter. My strength. My salvation. Even from this.

Even from this.