my storm

Right now I’m still in the middle of the storm at sea. Sometimes I forget Jesus’ promise of going to the other side. Sometimes it feels like my sleeping Savior has left me to get through this on my own. Sometimes He has to rebuke my lack of faith. Sometimes He brings momentary calm to the storm with His resounding, “Peace, be still.” Other times, He brings calm to my heart with those same words. Sometimes I curl up on His lap, figuring if the storm is “small” enough for Him to sleep through, why can’t I? Sometimes I yell at Him instead of the wind and waves. Sometimes I look around for peace, forgetting that the Prince of Peace is right next to me all along. Sometimes I find contentment, knowing He is with me in the worst storm of my life. Other times I just want Him to stop it all and let me off the boat.

I am often that person James describes as being tossed by the wind and waves because of unbelief. Which means I’m adding to my own storm. Ouch.

I want to believe even when I can’t see Him because my eyes are blinded by the driving rain. I want to trust even when I can’t hear Him because of the thunderous cracks of lightning hitting all around me. I want to stand firm even when everything is moving beneath my feet.

"Soaked, but hopeful." I can't wait to get there.

In the meantime, I want to remain steadfast in the storm.

four-minute friday: am i just lazy?

Go. My energy and motivation have been record-breakingly low for days now. I blurted out a "What's wrong with me???" to a friend, and she asked if it was a rhetorical question. To her, it makes complete sense that I'd be feeling this way. After months (years?) of stress and ongoing fatigue and facing the hardest situations of my life, she thinks my body's just finally getting to let down a bit.

I get what she's saying. I just hate feeling... unglued. I don't know if that's the best descriptor, but that's all my fuzzy brain can come up with right now.

I feel like I could sleep for a month. I can't seem to think coherently. I have zero motivation to do the things on my growing to-do list, even though they're urgent. I forget everything. I lack even the creativity or fully-processed thoughts to really blog these days. And it frustrates me that I've got nothing worth saying.

But this post I could do. I figure it's only four minutes, and I'm fine with it being all rambley. For just this one post anyway.

I guess what I'm wondering is---How do I know if I should take my body/mind's cues to disconnect for a while or if I simply need to be more disciplined?

Done.

four-minute friday: gettin' my groove on

Go. I love me some music.

I can't carry a tune and I don't play any instruments, but dang---I love me some music. It just resonates with me. Sometimes it's the lyrics (I'm a words girl), or the acoustic guitar, or the perfect harmonies. Sometimes I can't even put my finger on what "it" is. I just know a song has it.

And I love it.

Every song has a "crank it up" spot---the part I love the most, that's best heard at top volume. Drive with me once and you'll know exactly what I mean.

I have absolutely no rhythm, but music just moves me. I find it impossible to stay still. Sometimes a girl's just gotta get her groove on.

I wish I could actually dance.

But the fact that I can't doesn't stop me from dancing in the car. Or in my bedroom. Or, my personal favorite, in the kitchen.

Because seriously---there ain't nothin' like kitchen dancing.

Done.

i call God a liar

When I don't believe God, I'm calling Him a liar. And though I really don't want to do that, I often do. I call Him a liar by my actions and attitudes that reflect more doubt than faith.

I'm sorry, Lord.

Doubt grows where faith has worn thin.

I know there are places in my heart where I need to be intentional about strengthening my faith, because it's begun eroding away. And doubt's started to grow.

I want my life to be marked more by faith than by doubt. To reflect unswerving belief in my illogical God.

Lord, I want to believe You. Help me overcome my unbelief.

buried treasure

You know all of Jesus' "the Kingdom of Heaven is like..." talks? I've heard them a lot, so sometimes I stop hearing them. (Know what I mean?) But a while ago I saw one of them in a new light. I was reading about the guy who found the treasure in the field. "The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field."

I've read that passage quite a few times in my lifetime, but this time I saw something I've never seen before.

The man found the treasure and then hid it again.

For the first time, I asked myself why he didn't just take it. Selling his stuff and buying the field proved the value the treasure had to him. It was worth more than petty larceny. It was worth all he had, and his actions demonstrated that very fact.

Yes, he could have just pocketed the treasure---could've walked off with it and no one would've known. But he decided it was worth more than that. Worth so much, in fact, that he hid it again, went and sold all his belongings, and then came back and bought the field.

He didn't buy the field for the field's sake. He bought it for the sake of the treasure. The field only had value because of the treasure it held.

Similarly, I have value because of the treasure I hold---Christ in me, the hope of glory.

Every single day, the treasure of Christ is freely mine for the embracing. But if I truly value that gift, I will sacrifice to lay hold of it. To lay hold of Him.

Too many days I just pocket the treasure. Or worse, I leave it buried.

Today I want to let my life show the value I place on the treasure that is Christ.

You?