reason #83

a new friend of mine, who i've spent solid chunks of time with over the past few weeks, remarked tonight that she'd just heard me laugh harder than she'd ever heard me before. "because you're just usually so quiet..." my heart sank.

even though my friend didn't at all mean something negative, or say anything hurtful, my heart still sank.

i consider myself to be fun, somewhat funny, mostly random and quirky. my facial expressions usually give me away, raise other people's eyebrows, and make others chuckle. i love to laugh. a lot. if i could be on an olympic laughing team, i would.

but maybe that's how i was and not how i am anymore. because this new friend, in all our recent interactions, hadn't really heard me laugh. that makes tears fill my eyes even now as i type this out.

who have i become?

and what's happened to the me i was?

that's reason #83 why i struggle to embrace my "new normal" (or my "now normal").

i want my laugh back.

and everything else that disappeared with it.

so if you spot them anywhere, please let them know their mama loves them and wants them to come home... and point them in my direction.