now i get it

This week last year was hell on earth. I honestly don't know how I managed to stay standing breathing. I'd finally found irrefutable proof of my husband's affair---evidence I knew he wouldn't be able to deny or push back on me. But for a long list of complicated reasons, I had to wait until the end of the week to confront him with it. I had interns who deserved the best debriefing possible. And I had Thanskgiving to cook for 30-some-odd people.

So I said nothing to him about it.

I told only my Kitty, and her frequent phone calls and texts got me through the seemingly never-ending week. Somehow I led debriefing sessions, prayed over my beloved interns, drove 16 hours home, cooked for a small army, and hosted a holiday meal. All with evidence of my husband's lengthy unfaithfulness tucked in my back-pocket.

And the morning after Thanksgiving, I pulled the cord.

The weight of that week---that I couldn't express or let out last year---is weighing on me now. And it's crushing me. If my sweet friend were here, I'd cry it out on the bathroom floor yet again.

But still I know, just like a year ago, I will keep standing. Keep breathing. Even when I don't know how. And even when I don't want to.

God, You are Redeemer. Redeem even this.

Redeem even this.