my heart is tired

The past few weeks have been full of some really great things. But when I landed back in Atlanta last night, I knew I was more than just physically tired. My heart is weary, too. And that frustrates me. I've spent time doing things I love with people I love, and yet... my heart has settled back into this valley-like funk. Hmph. The past two years have destroyed the holidays for me. I hope they get redeemed at some point, but right now they just feel... hard. And my eyes can't help but fill as I let my thoughts wander to the days ahead (and the days past).

I wish I could fast-forward through the next six weeks. A time that used to be my favorite of the whole year now just amplifies my loneliness and heartache. I hate it.

I'm already tired of it and it hasn't even really started yet.

I know all the things I'm supposed to do to pull myself up by the bootstraps and get through this. I know. I know. I KNOW!

I'm simply too tired (inside and out) to do it right now.

Thankfully "God helps those who helps themselves" isn't in the Bible.

But this is: "He lifted me out of the pit of despair, out of the mud and the mire. He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked along."

While I don't have it in me to do anything right now, I'm hoping that God will show up and once again do what He does best:

Rescue the helpless.