how to fake a cell phone call

Here's the "How To" article for September. I thought it was funny; hope it makes you laugh, too!

Ever wanted to avoid that creepy neighbor, or make that ex jealous? Here is how to fake a cell phone call and dodge potentially bothersome situations.


  1. Make sure the phone is on silent! This includes all sounds, ringtones, text messages, low battery reminders, voice mail chimes...anything. If that phone goes off in the middle of a fake conversation, then your next encounter with the individual will be way worse. **See step 3 for this rule's only exception**
  2. When preparing for the blow-off, make sure you have a general understanding of the target. Are they nosey? Crazy? Generally rude? These are usually the reasons you are avoiding them, however it could make the difference in them calling your bluff.
  3. Know your phone. Some phones have buttons on the side for controlling volume, vibration, etc. Get to know these buttons well enough to utilize them in the dark, or unseen in the pocket. This way, if caught in an unexpected situation, you can always bail out with that urgent phone call. **Be very quick though, because now you have violated the most important rule, and must return to silent mode ASAP.
  4. Have a fake conversation ready. In most social situations, a general fake laugh, or "really?" will do the trick for a quick blow-by, this shows that you have a genuine interest in the conversation, and removing youself from it at this time would be unacceptable.
  5. Be courteous. Acknowledge that sneering hyena with a simple smile and nod, or even a quiet "Hi" showing them that you would just love to stay and chat, but, gosh darnit, you're just too busy right now!


  1. Don't over do it, because even if trying to avoid or impress, if it becomes too complicated, you are doomed to screw up somewhere.
  2. Start the conversation by asking the fake person on the phone if you can have like 20 minutes of their time. That way the person you're faking for will go away out of impatience.
  3. Make sure that you leave time for the fake person on the other end of the fake phone call to respond. It won't sound realistic if you're the only person talking--listening is important too, just like in a real phone call. When faking a call, you do not actually need to fake a back-and-forth conversation. Just hold the phone like you would when listening intently and occasionally say "oh really?" or "wow" or any short interjections.


  1. If you find yourself needing to fake phone calls frequently, perhaps you should consider taking a deep look in the mirror and ask yourself why you hate people so much.