lake effect

It is pouring outside. And very windy. So when my computer let me know that there's a "severe weather alert" for my area, I figured I should check it out.

I followed the link, and was greatly concerned by what I read...

It's a little frightening to know that Lake Ontario is going to cross our area tonight. Think I'll be staying indoors this evening... And now I know they're not playing around when they say "severe weather alert".

signs of autumn

This afternoon I went for a walk to soak up the beautiful autumn scenery. A short walk from my parents' home is a state park, complete with trails, beach access, and breathtakingly gorgeous foliage. I ventured off to explore, camera in hand.

The day was perfect. The sky was strikingly blue; the air, refreshingly crisp; the leaves, the most exquisite range of colors.

My peaceful serenity was interrupted by my rudely nagging bladder. My need to pee became so urgent that I contemplated a missionary-squatty-potty maneuver behind a tree. As I pondered this more, I thought things like:

Will anybody see me? Why did I put on my bright blue jacket instead of something more camouflaging? If someone does see me, is embarrassment the only consequence I will have to endure, or might there be a fine as well?

Before I got so desperate as to actually start looking for a suitable, secluded spot, my eyes beheld a wondrous sight:

one of those days

I'm really enjoying the book I'm reading. A portion I read last night had me laughing out loud (literally). I thought I'd share:

When you have had one of those days, try this:

Stop at your pharmacy and go to the section where they have thermometers. You will need to purchase a rectal thermometer made by the Q-tip Company. Be sure that you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw your drapes, and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed during your therapy. Change into something comfortable, such as a sweat suit, and lie down on your bed. Open the package containing the thermometer, remove it, and carefully place it on the bedside table so that it will not become chipped or broken. Take the written material that accompanies the thermometer. As you read, notice in small print this statement: "Every rectal thermometer made by Q-tip is personally tested."

Close your eyes. Say out loud five times, "Thank you, oh, thank you, that I do not work in quality control at the Q-tip Company!"

As soon as I finished laughing, my next thought was: I need to blog about this. I set off to Google the Q-tip rectal thermometer company. I did this for two reasons:

1. I wanted an accurate accompanying photograph.
2. I was curious if this company truly did exist.

No photo of an authentic Q-tip brand thermometer was unearthed in my search. However, after much digging (borderline obsessive compulsive digging, I might add!), I did find proof that, while it may no longer, the Q-tip Company did, at one time, exist and produce rectal thermometers. It seems all their personal testing didn't really work to ensure quality control. I guess someone wasn't doing their job!

How was your day?

how to get an annoying song out of your head

Has ''Who Let the Dogs Out" or "Macho, Macho Man" or even "I got soul, but I'm not a soldier" been running through your head all day, and now you want it gone? Here are some steps to follow to rid your head of these annoying tunes.

Steps

1. Turn down the mental volume of the song until it is sung in a whisper.
2. Think about a song that you do like, and one that you enjoy singing. Any time the annoying song pops into your head, start singing or humming the better song.
3. Concentrate your thoughts on something else. Try a riddle, mental math, or reciting a poem.
4. Get involved in physical exercise.
5. Shout in your head.
6. Go someplace where no one will hear you, and shout out loud. If such a place is unavailable, just talk to someone.
7. Listen to a song without vocals.
8. Become addicted to another tune, one whose lyrics you don't mind hearing over and over again.
9. Sing or play the song through in its entirety. Usually when your brain hears the end of the song, it completes the repetition and is able to release the song that had been stuck.
10. When you get to the end of the song and are done with it, sing the last note (aloud or in your head), then let the pitch drop, like it's going down a slide, until you're on a much lower note than the one on which the song ended. This will help keep the song from starting over again.

Tips

• Avoid repetitive tunes, as they get stuck in your mind very easily. If you are prone to experiencing this problem, run far away when you hear these types of songs start to play.
• Stay calm. Music isn't a bad thing.

Adapted from wikihow.com.

how to fake a cell phone call

Here's the "How To" article for September. I thought it was funny; hope it makes you laugh, too!

Ever wanted to avoid that creepy neighbor, or make that ex jealous? Here is how to fake a cell phone call and dodge potentially bothersome situations.

Steps

1. Make sure the phone is on silent! This includes all sounds, ringtones, text messages, low battery reminders, voice mail chimes...anything. If that phone goes off in the middle of a fake conversation, then your next encounter with the individual will be way worse. **See step 3 for this rule's only exception**
2. When preparing for the blow-off, make sure you have a general understanding of the target. Are they nosey? Crazy? Generally rude? These are usually the reasons you are avoiding them, however it could make the difference in them calling your bluff.
3. Know your phone. Some phones have buttons on the side for controlling volume, vibration, etc. Get to know these buttons well enough to utilize them in the dark, or unseen in the pocket. This way, if caught in an unexpected situation, you can always bail out with that urgent phone call. **Be very quick though, because now you have violated the most important rule, and must return to silent mode ASAP.
4. Have a fake conversation ready. In most social situations, a general fake laugh, or "really?" will do the trick for a quick blow-by, this shows that you have a genuine interest in the conversation, and removing youself from it at this time would be unacceptable.
5. Be courteous. Acknowledge that sneering hyena with a simple smile and nod, or even a quiet "Hi" showing them that you would just love to stay and chat, but, gosh darnit, you're just too busy right now!

Tips

1. Don't over do it, because even if trying to avoid or impress, if it becomes too complicated, you are doomed to screw up somewhere.
2. Start the conversation by asking the fake person on the phone if you can have like 20 minutes of their time. That way the person you're faking for will go away out of impatience.
3. Make sure that you leave time for the fake person on the other end of the fake phone call to respond. It won't sound realistic if you're the only person talking--listening is important too, just like in a real phone call. When faking a call, you do not actually need to fake a back-and-forth conversation. Just hold the phone like you would when listening intently and occasionally say "oh really?" or "wow" or any short interjections.

Warnings

1. If you find yourself needing to fake phone calls frequently, perhaps you should consider taking a deep look in the mirror and ask yourself why you hate people so much.

(From www.wikihow.com)