four-minute friday (on sunday): penguins

Go. After a 15-hour drive, we made it to Cape Town around 8:00 last night. Niel and I each drove a vehicle full of interns, the entire way. I think we stopped to pee about 6 times (??); my friend Laura took a picture at each stop to document the moment. I'll post some with the rest of our Cape Town pictures at the end of my trip.

We're here till Friday for debriefing. Then the interns fly home on Sunday.

I laughed at the clumsy African penguins this afternoon. (Don't believe me that there are penguins in Africa? I'm serious!) They are very funny to watch. Especially with our added commentary. And of course, we had to laugh that their name was changed in recent years to "African Penguin" from "Jackass Penguin".

It felt good to laugh.

I think we're eating tacos tonight. Mmmm...

Did you know I love Cape Town? I do. It's my favorite place in all of South Africa. There's city, mountains, and ocean. It doesn't get much better than that. There's also a place called New York Bagel that is just fantastic. And did I mention, there's city?! Yeah, I enjoy it here.

Done.

four-minute friday: goodbyes

Go. Today was the interns' last day at Hope House. My heart ached for them as they said their goodbyes. Watching them lavish their love on the children, hug them close, whisper "I love you"s, look at their faces so intently so as to lock the images in their heart and mind forever... It was beautiful.

Love is a beautiful thing.

I took a lot of pictures today. And my little boy eventually came over and spent a bit of time in my arms. I hugged him. I taught him to say "Rhubarb". We sang "Ha-le-lu". He laughed. And I didn't want to let him go.

But I did.

Done.

casting my cares

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." I know that. Cognitively. He cares for me. He cares about what I care about. I should cast my anxiety upon Him. All too often, though, I subconsciously take the word cast to mean the same as it does in fishing. I give it to God, but I'm still hanging on to the other end. As far as I throw it, as much as I give it away, it's still attached to me. Because I'm holding on tight.

"But I gave it to God..." I try to convince myself. Meanwhile I'm poised and ready to reel it back in whenever I want. And reel I do. I decide to take it back from God's hands. Which means I think it's better off in my capable hands than in His.

Oh to be so smug.

I looked up the word cast in the dictionary. When it's not referring to fishing, it means to get rid of, to discard, to throw off or throw away; to hurl or fling. I need to let that sink in a bit. I need to let it sink in a lot.

When I give something to God, I need to hurl it at Him (He can handle the blow), get rid of it (forever), throw it off me (with as much vigor as I can muster). And then I need to leave it there. For good.

Sigh...

"Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you..."

I'm trying...

four-minute friday: women of africa

Go. I look around the room.

Women sing vivaciously; their faces aglow and expressive. Some dance toward the front of the hall. Without restraint, hesitation, or any self-consciousness whatsoever, they dance and dance and dance. Completely unashamed. With total abandonment.

I sway (my cheap version of dancing). My smile makes up for my whiteness.

Their voices -- beautiful, blended, strong -- catch my heart. I am certain they catch God's as well.

My smile grows with each rhythmic beat. I close my eyes, listening with more than my ears. For the briefest of moments, I feel peace.

I love the women of Africa.

Done.

be kind. rewind.

I was reminded recently of the stickers that used to be on the video tapes I'd rent from Blockbuster back in the day. "Be kind. Rewind." When I heard that phrase again, I couldn't get it out of my mind. So I wrote it down. And I kept looking at it. There's a nugget in there somewhere.

I've been mulling it over ever since.

I haven't come up with any life-changing nuggets, but I've had a few random thoughts.

Be kind. Rewind. For the most part, my past-dwelling-ness isn't a good thing. I too easily focus on my past mistakes, failures, and self-disappointments. I can too readily call to mind the ways others have hurt me. That kind of mental rewinding isn't healthy or productive. I need to rewind more often to replay the parts about God's faithfulness, others' love and care for me, and things I've overcome in my life. I need to dwell on those a whole lot more than I do.

Be kind. Rewind. I keep thinking of the whole "need to look back to look ahead" thing. And it's true. The road ahead is so long. From where I stand now, it just seems to go on forever. And it looks very steep. It's daunting and scary and paralyzing. If I take the time to look back every now and again, I get a new perspective. As much road lies ahead of me lies also behind me. When I can see how far I've come, all that I've conquered, it gives me strength for the journey ahead.

Be kind. Rewind. I need to spend more time dwelling on truth. I need to continuously hit the rewind button and allow truth to play over and over -- like a toddler's uncanny ability to watch Finding Nemo 19 times in a row, everyday. If I allow truth to play on that sort of constant loop in my mind (and heart), I know my life would change significantly. Far better than being able to quote Nemo, I'd be able to respond with truth to the situations I'm facing, to the internal dialogue I'm constantly battling, and to the people I interact with.

That's all, folks.