write now

Sometimes -- more often than I'd like to admit -- that old crazy-making feeling comes back. And I feel as though I must be crazy because there's no other explanation possible.

I must've done something wrong. I must've messed up somewhere. I wonder what I did to upset them? Hurt them? Cause them to treat me differently?

When I can't figure out the answers -- even when I ask -- then I'm left with that age-old sense that I must just be crazy. It's all in my head, I guess.

And now I'm forced to reconcile that with this whole "I am enough" thing. And I find it impossible to believe in my enoughness when I feel crazy.

Because crazy trumps everything, you know?

Or does it?

Even if I am crazy, am I not still enough?

Dang. That'll get me thinking...

This post feels like an infinity pool -- no clear end in sight. So all I can say is the same as always -- I have no answers. No conclusions. No cloud-lifting "a-ha!" moments. Just a wrestling and a commitment to stay in the tension rather than run from it.

Crazy or not, here I come.

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