thirty: years old

I turned thirty this year. Just typing it out loud makes me feel old. I know anyone older than me will shake their head and tell me that thirty isn't old. But it is to me. Right now anyway. While I'm not a "here's a list of what I want to do before I'm 30" kind of girl, I'm still not where I'd have wanted to be by now. I would have hoped that by this point in my life, I'd...

  • exude more confidence.
  • be an admirable wife.
  • lead well.
  • know how to trust.
  • be ten pounds slimmer.
  • have mastered a skill.
  • enjoy praying more.
  • know who I am.

Looking back over that list, at the prompting of a friend, I see how I've made progress in each of those things.

I speak with more conviction and carry myself more confidently than ever before. I'm actively taking steps to be a wife other women would want to emulate. I'm learning to lead with vulnerability.

Which means I'm discovering how to trust. Again.

I've made healthier choices for what I'm eating, and have committed to train for a 5K. Blogging has made me a better writer.

I'm at a unique place in my walk with God which, while it doesn't always seem "strong", is about me offering Him my brokenness. And as I get reacquainted with the strength of God perfected in my weakness, I am reminded of the simple truth of who I am: I am His.

So here I am, at the end of another year. A woman who's not quite where she wants to be, but who's choosing to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Even if it's only because she's letting someone carry her. Or drag her.

I do still feel old, though. I think I need to go out for a drink.

Just so I can feel flattered when they card me.