taking my pulse

My head and heart have been tsunamied in recent weeks, which has left me feeling disconnected not only from my friends but also from myself. I haven't been able to figure out how my heart is really doing, much less articulate that to someone else. This much I know is true: All too often in ministry, we want change for others more than they want it for themselves. I'm always left with a feeling of brokenness when I'm confronted with that ugly truth.

We ministered at a local church on Sunday, and before the service we shared a cup of tea and some conversation with the Mamoruti (pastor's wife). She shook her head and said, "You know, sometimes leadership is just so hard." Has she been reading my blog?! Although she and I lead in very different capacities, we both experience similar pressures and challenges as leaders. It felt strengthening to simply be understood.

I'm still not sure how to really answer "How are you?" right now. But I'm reminding myself that He sees, He knows, He cares. And He's holding my heart gently.