i wish it was just about the sex

"It didn't mean anything. I didn't really love her. It was just about the sex!" Hollywood's portrayal of adultery always includes that explanation. But when my husband's infidelity came to light, he didn't say that.

In fact, he said the exact opposite.

He told me he loved her differently, more deeply than he had loved me. That their relationship was special and intimate in a way we'd never experienced. He said he doesn't love me anymore.

And that he isn't sure he ever really loved me at all.

I wish it had just been an affair that "meant nothing". Sheer, unadulterated (!) lust would've been easier on my heart. But my story didn't come from a Hollywood script.

And even if it had, I know adultery never means nothing.

But what caused the deepest ache inside me is this: My husband chose to share the intimacy of his heart with a woman other than me.

I wish it had just been about the sex.

But it wasn't.

four-minute friday: uncensored

Go. No preconceived ideas on what I'll write this time, McNiely. We'll take this one exactly as it comes.

Holy crow---By next Friday, you'll be in the same time-zone as me! I still won't have seen you (seriously?!), but at least we'll both be on the east coast of America. I've had July 31st in my brain as D-Day for months; I guess I need to reprogram it with August 8th. Get ready for the tightest hug and longest kiss of your life.

I love that I'm meeting you in DC. That makes our reunion seem so much more romantic and alluring. (No one needs to know we're going there for business.) I've always wanted to be able to say something as chic as "I'm meeting my husband in DC." And now I can. Yessss! Doesn't it sound so... so... like we're gonna have hot, wild sex all weekend? (Am I allowed to say that in the blogosphere?) It does kinda sound like that, doesn't it. You should try it out. Go 'head and say it. Although definitely say "wife" instead of "husband".

I'm ready to see your face, play with your hair, kiss your lips, and smack your butt. Among other things.

I just have one question: How are you feeling now about us staying in a host home the first night together after 11 weeks apart????

Done.