strength comes in strange ways

September is staring me down. She promises to be a long, hard month, and I can feel her taunting glances today. I'm choosing to ignore her while I still can. Sigh.

So I sit here looking back at all my old August posts. I'm seemingly always working on seeing myself in the light of God's truth. And in the past few weeks I've been processing my difficulty to really hear compliments. Again. Hmph. I wondered why the view looked familiar---I've been around this mountain a time or two before.

I still use a buzzy toothbrush. And I still don't often realize what I'm missing until I get it back or see it in others' lives.

My heart's been challenged again to check my motives, pray paradoxical prayers, and trust God to defend me. I'm still doing most things afraid and trying to catch up on my backlog of lost sleep. I needed the reminder that God is writing my story and, unlike me, He needs no backspace.

I'm always blown away by how wonderfully everything has always been about Jesus.

A year ago I had my first meet-up with blogging friends. My reunion with Mandy and Cathi couldn't be summed up in just one post, and of course it had to be documented on video. I've been amazingly blessed with friends over this past year, many of whom I met right here in the blogosphere. God is undeniably good to me.

Two Augusts ago I had this overwhelming sense that my life was about to change. Drastically. Forever. I couldn't put my finger on it and I didn't know exactly what it meant, but I can remember right where I was and what I was doing when the feeling rushed over me like the morning fog swallows up the mountains on our property. Looking back on it now, my breath catches in my chest. Because it turns out I was right. That very month, the pieces of my life began slowly shattering... until they all ended up in broken fragments at my feet a few months ago. Shudder.

Somehow, being reminded of all that again, I am left more aware of the grace of God in my life. My brokenness is more apparent, yes, but so is His hand on me. He has carried me through much more than I ever thought I could endure.

So, September, I seem to have mustered up some strength. I've still got some fight left in me, and I'm glaring right back at you. After all I've been through in the past two years, what's another month?

Bring it on.