poker face

I wish I had a poker face. But I don't.

My face shows my thoughts before I even realize I'm thinking them. It displays my feelings before my heart's caught on to what she's actually feeling.

I joke that some wiring got crossed somewhere in me, causing my face to react before any of the rest of me does.

I love it. Sometimes.

It's fun that friends can read me like a book. They have an idea of where my heart is at without me having to say a word. It makes me feel seen and cared for when someone takes the time to learn my expressions.

But most of the time, it frustrates me.

It's obvious when I don't like something. It's apparent when I'm feeling hurt or sad or angry. It's clear when I'm annoyed. It's evident when I'm distracted by the spider-webbing thoughts in my head.

And, ya know?

I wish I wasn't always that transparent.

Not because I want to hide behind a mask or be artificial in any way. But because there are situations where it's best not to let it all hang out, clear as day, on your face. Some matters of the heart need to be pondered privately before they're shared publicly. And sometimes, sometimes I just don't want to have to explain what my face meant.

So... yeah.

I wish I had a poker face.

And I'm very sorry if that annoying Lady Gaga song is stuck in your head now.

How about you? Do you wear your feelings on your face or keep them tucked neatly inside? Or maybe some wonderful balanced mix of the two?