Sometimes it's easier to feel guilty than forgiven. All-too-often I choose to cling to my mistakes, my shortcomings, my depravity rather than to embrace the forgiveness and freedom that God has for me.
It takes effort to make that exchange, and---honestly?---sometimes I'd just rather not put in the effort. How pathetic is that? Especially since He already did the hard part.
But God's power has no effect in my life if I don't choose to receive it and rely on it. I don't want to nullify His power with my apathy.
I recently spent time letting go of some things I've held against myself for way too long. As hard as forgiveness can be, I find it most difficult to forgive myself.
Sitting alone in a "service" at St. Arbucks Church, I made the choice to let go. To forgive me.
After all, He already did.
And what I hold against myself, I'm ultimately holding against God. I'm basically slapping Him in the face and telling Him that His redemptive work isn't good enough. That I can do a better job atoning for my sin than He can.
Pride can't often see herself in the mirror. But I saw her loud and clear.
So I acknowledged that His work was final---that my sins are not only forgiven but paid for. And I made the decision to step out of the prison I'd locked myself in for so long.
I left a lot of crap in Starbucks that night.
And I got a venti cup of forgiveness to go.
[from a post on this day last year]