My posts lately, including some still in my drafts folder, speak of faith and truth and victory. And while those things are strong on my heart, they remain (mostly) desires rather than reality. I write more for me than for you (no offense), and my posts serve to remind me of what God's speaking to my heart. But it doesn't mean I walk those things out very well. I try. I do. But I fail more often than not.
So while you know what my heart longs for, a look inside reveals more fear than faith, a lack of confidence, a lingering sense of hopelessness, a strong desire to just stop this train and climb off.
I'm flying back to South Africa tomorrow for a few weeks. I'm going home but, for the first time ever, it doesn't feel like home at all. And I don't know what to do with that. I'll be facing my own demons, hurts, and griefs, and I don't at all feel ready. I'm not strong enough. I don't have enough faith. I have no choice but to do it afraid.
But I'm tired. Physically, yes (always am). But I mean on the inside. The battle has been long and intense, and I'm tired of the fight.
Will you pray for me?
I need strength. Wisdom. Grace. Patience. Faith. Discernment. To be slow to anger and quick to love. A right heart. To not grow weary in doing good.
I need hope. Joy. Peace. Wholeness in the midst of brokenness. Eyes to see Him. To abandon my self-sufficiency and develop a new sense of God-sufficiency.
I need boldness. Clarity. Understanding. To live righteous and honor God. To speak the truth in love. To fear Him more than I fear anything else.
It's a long list, I know.
Will you pick something you do every day to serve as a reminder to pray for me? Maybe drinking coffee can nudge your heart to lift me up. Or perhaps you can talk to Him about me when you're working out. Or going to bed. Or feeding your dog. Or every time you apply lip gloss.
Please pick something---anything---to be a prayer prompter.
Cause I can't do this alone.