fight the fear

Just because I believe it's possible to genuinely know someone on a deep level, doesn't mean it comes easily for me. I've been hurt profoundly, often by those I've held closest, so trust is a real battle. It's really a fight against fear. Fear of being rejected. Walked out on. Fear of being a disappointment. A failure. Fear of someone better coming along. Of being more replaceable than keepable. Fear of being lied to. Used. Patronized. Fear of not being enough.

Yeah, it's a battle.

But it's one I've chosen to continue to fight. I haven't given up in defeat, shrugging as I walk away mumbling that trust just isn't worth it.

Trust is worth it. That's why I continue to fight for it. Even when it's hard.

In the wake of very deep hurts, I've still given my heart and bared the real me to my closest friends. I've remained vulnerable and exposed. Sometimes it takes more conscious effort and intentionality than others, but I've worked hard to not retreat into myself at the time when I need others the most.

It's true that the deeper the vulnerability, the greater the potential for hurt. But I also know this much is true: The bigger the risk of trust, the stronger the love and intimacy that grows there.

And that alone makes the battle worthwhile.