depth of vision

2012-07-12 14.24.35

My depth of vision has changed. 

Years ago, living in Africa, the future seemed clearly in focus. I was a farsighted dreamer, easily imagining how things would continue to take shape because of how much I loved the portrait of my life. I didn't try to plan out the details or neurotically control the unfolding pages of my future, but it was there, ever clear in the back of my mind. Even without all the details, it was simply... there. A future I anticipated.

Now, I find myself much more nearsighted. 

The horizon is out of focus, and I can't see which way the road bends. Everything looks blurry, as though the future is blanketed in fog. It's all just too fuzzy and uncertain and precarious. I can't imagine any longer what I'd even want the end of the story to be. I no longer picture where I'm headed and how I'll get there or who I might go there with.

It used to feel like hopelessness. Like a big piece of me that had given up still hadn't sprung back to life.

But I'm learning to accept it as a good thing, or at the very least, as simply what is. Not as something bad, or wrong, or to be fixed. It's just a part of my new normal that I need to stop fighting against and simply embrace.

The One who holds my past, holds my future as well. So it doesn't really matter whether or not I can see it.

My depth of vision has changed.

But His hasn't.