weekly download

This week was full and busy, but a good one nonetheless....

• My birthday came and went (and as for my age, suffice it to say that I am now older).

• We had our first Outreach Family Night. During the year, we have Family Night every two weeks with our staff and interns. A night to just kick back and hang out together in a non-ministry setting. During June, July, and August when we have Outreach Staff with us (summer interns), we change things up a bit. We now have Family Night each week, and it's a time for worship and ministry in addition to fellowship. This week's was great, and it's got me looking forward to them more than I thought I'd be...

• Today it was close to 70 degrees outside. Such a stark difference from just days ago when we had the biggest snowfall we've had in years. We had some serious snow! It was freezing, but it was beautiful. Pristine. God's handiwork. Couple that, though, with the fact that we have no indoor heating... Yeah, makes things a bit interesting!

no frills

This morning, I sat down with Joyce and had a heart-to-heart.

Me: "I am so grateful for the gift you gave me. You said such beautiful things, and the gift is even more meaningful because of what you said."

Joyce: "Yes, Mama."

Me: "I love and appreciate you, Joyce. I value your friendship. You are like a sister to me."

Joyce: "Yes, we are sisters."

Me: "Joyce, as sisters, I want to share my heart with you. Is that ok?"

Joyce: "Yes. Sisters are honest with each other."

Me: "When I look at the gift, it means a lot to me because I know it came from your heart. It shows me that you care about me, and that is what makes it so special. But in my culture, this type of thing, with so much frills and lace, is not something we normally do. White men feel like it's 'too much' to have something so girly like this in their bathroom. So I know that Niel does not enjoy having it in here."

Joyce: "Ooohh... Basotho men, they do not mind. But I can see that white men will mind..."

Me: "Yes. So I'd like to ask you if this will fit in your bathroom. If it will, then I would like to give it to you for your house. I will feel good knowing that you are able to use it and enjoy it."

Joyce: "Yes, it fits in my bathroom. I will take it today, and I will let you know when I have it set up in my bathroom so you can come by to see it."

Me: "I would love to! Thank you so much, Joyce. I appreciate you very much!"

Joyce (with a laugh): "I know, Mama, I know. It's okay. It's okay..."

We ended with much hugging, and everything truly is okay! Joyce wasn't offended at all, and she joyfully took down the items and packed them up to bring to her house.

And my bathroom is much happier being back to normal... as are Niel and I!

In case you're wondering, I decided to handle it this way because I figured that honesty truly is the best policy. If it was "accidentally" torched, destroyed by children, or ravaged by my bird, Joyce would still not know that we didn't like it, and would most likely end up replacing it for Chrirstmas or my next birthday. I'd rather not relive this experience again if I can avoid it.

Indirect communication is key in Basotho culture. They don't directly express their own opinion or preference. I figured I'd go that route by blaming it on the fact that men in my culture don't like that sort of thing. Thanks, Hon, for taking one for the team...

I also told Joyce early in the day, giving me the rest of the day to make sure that she was really okay. She was completely fine, making her usual jokes and small talk with me and Niel. It feels so great to know that I didn't offend her or hurt her feelings in this whole thing...

Thanks everyone for weighing in and sharing your thoughts on this one! Many a laugh has been had, and I will be remembering this for a very long time...

catch-22

I need some cultural advice. Joyce (my Mosotho house helper) gave me a gift for my birthday. While it was the most meaningful gift I received, it's also the gift I like the least. Maybe that's putting it too mildly. I really dislike it. (I'm trying not to use the word "hate", but I think you get the idea.)

When Joyce gave me the gift, she also said that since she didn't get a chance to buy a card, she'd just tell me what she would have written. "You have always given me so much, and I could never repay you. I don't even have enough words to say how much you mean to me. You are my family, my only family."

Joyce shared that her daughter recently asked her, "Why do you say, 'Hello, Mama' when you talk to Mme Alece on the phone?" Joyce said her reply was, "Because she is like a mother to me. She is my mother."

It was so special. You can't put a price tag on that kind of a gift. Joyce spoke from her heart, and it meant the world to me. That is what makes her gift so meaningful.

What makes it something I strongly dislike is... well, it's what the gift itself actually is. I cringed (only on the inside) when Joyce unpacked it (opening the gift for me, in typical African style). "A toilet set!" she proclaimed excitedly.

"Wow, Joyce!"

"Here, let me show you..." and she immediately started putting each piece in its proper place in my bathroom. There's a toilet seat cover, a toilet tank cover, a toilet paper roll holder, and a curtain. And they were suddenly all on display. In all their frillyness, gaudiness, and tackiness. It was almost overwhelming.

"Wow, Joyce! It's so fancy!"

"No, it's not!" And I'm sure she's thinking that it's not fancy because practically every home in Intabazwe has a set like this. So in her mind, it's commonplace, not fancy.

"Joyce, it was so thoughtful of you. Thank you so much!"

After we hugged and talked a bit more, Joyce left and I stood in my bathroom a while. Contemplating. The question going around my head was: How do I get out of this? Joyce works in my home, so I can't simply just not use the gift... So how do I get out of this?

"Aww, come on!" you're thinking. It can't be that bad! Oh really?! This is what my bathroom looks like at the moment:

So, I need some advice. Remember that I'm feeling the tension between how strongly I dislike the state my bathroom is currently in and the fact that I love Joyce, value her friendship, and desire to be culturally sensitive.

What should I do?

**UPDATED** Make sure you read part two!

weekly download

Ready, set, go!

• This week was a bit of a blur. Niel was in a different town everyday, and I feel as though I barely saw him...

• We had some ministry guests from the pastoral staff team of Mt. Ararat (a church in VA). They came to Africa to check out some ministries they are considering partnering with. We had a great visit with Greg and Susan. Getting to share our vision and passion was wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. They were fired up about what God is doing here and asked us to pray for them as they return home to share all they saw, learned, and experienced with the rest of their church leadership team.

• I spent a lot of time with kids this week, with a day at Limakatso and a day at Hope House (a new orphanage outreach I take our interns to). At Hope House, I held two-month old Themba for about two hours straight. What a beauitful gift from God his life is...

• I enjoyed a long walk with a friend yesterday. She shared with me a personal victory in her life -- the outworking of Christ in her -- and it left me encouraged and excited. THE highlight of my week!

• Schools are still closed because of the teacher strike!

• I read some great things this week, like this, and this, and this.

• I reconnected with an old friend whom I met on my first mission trip 14 years ago. Craziness!

• I got a card in the mail from my mom which said: "Ask me what beauty is, and I will show you my daughter." Wow. That did wonders for my heart.

What are some highlights of your week?

mr. personality

Let me introduce you to Starbucks. He's my (roughly) 3-year old African Grey. I've grown up with birds as pets, and didn't realize that many people find this odd. I think the assumption is that a bird has no personality and doesn't really interact at all. While maybe this is true of some birds, Starbucks is certainly full of personality.

He says,"Morning!" when I uncover his cage each morning and, "Hello?!" when a phone rings. He shouts, "Come in!" when there's a knock on the door and, "Go back!" when he starts to walk down the leg of his own cage.

He laughs, coughs, and sneezes.

He mimics cell phone noises, can do the Good, Bad, and the Ugly whistle, and loves doing a Cat Call.

His vocabulary also includes:

• Hello
• Bu-bye
• OK
• Starbucks
• Kisses (followed by kiss noises)
• Hello Beautiful
• Hey Babes!
• Joyce (my wonderful friend and house-help)
• Scoop (when he wants me to rub under his beak)
• Come
• Wanna Come?
• Come on! (in a sassy, annoyed tone)
• Hey buddy!
• Snack
• That's a good boy!
• Poophead (I like teaching him to talk trash)

And my all-time favorite:

• Chalupa! (when he does his business!)