all of me for all of You

All of me for all of You. Surrender. Hands in the air. Defenses down. Heart open. All of me for all of You.

Here is all I am: My messes, weaknesses, failures. My successes, strengths, victories. Here is all I am: My muddled thoughts, my doubts and fears, my misgivings. My hurts and questions, my joys and confidences. Here is all I am: The parts of me I love, the parts of me I despise. Everything I know, everything I don't. Here is all I am: My pieces, my fragments, my whole parts. Here is all I am: My insecurities, my all-too-securities. Here is all I am: The things I often give and take right back, the things I've never given before, the things I'm not even aware of. Here is all I am: Everything I know I need You for, everything I think I don't. Here is all I am.

Take all of me with Your gentle hands.

Even when I feel I can only open the door an inch, this is me giving You permission to bust it wide open. Even when I feel I'm unable to offer You more of me, this is me asking You to go ahead and take it anyway. Even when I feel I have no words, this is me asking You to respond to my one-word prayers for "Help" with all You know I need.

Be aggressive with me. For I'm not aggressive enough on my own behalf.

Take all of me and bombard me with all of You. All of You is certainly more than I can handle, but I want to feel crushed under the weight of that burden.

That burden isn't a burden at all.

four-minute friday: cold

Go. It's freezing here today. Well, not literally, and not as cold as it was a few months ago. But considering it's summer and that we had 80-degree weather not too long back, every bit of today's 52 degrees has soaked into my bones. I feel cold on the inside. I need to take vitamins.

And then there's the tip of my nose. It's frigid. Wanna feel it?

I normally would have drank back-to-back hot frothy beverages to warm myself up. But I had the disgusting discovery this morning that my brand-new carton of milk was sour. I discovered it as I ate a spoonful of milk-laden cereal. I almost threw up. Unfortunately, no hot frothiness for me.

It's cold when it shouldn't be cold.

I know my heart gets like that, too. All too often.

Done.

things that satisfy

We were singing a song in worship tonight that had the line:

Only things that satisfy come from You.

Or maybe it was:

The only things that satisfy come from You.

I don't really know. I realized that I'd always heard it sung (or maybe I just sung it wrongly) as the former, but the worship leader tonight sang it as the latter. I pondered the difference between the two statements while singing continued all around me...

Only things that satisfy come from You implies that only good things come from God. Only good things. Meaning no bad things. From the hand of my heavenly Father comes neither sickness, curses, calamity. By His own hand He uses those things to bring glory to Himself and to miraculously bring benefit to my life, but His hand doesn't deliver the blow. Only good things come from Him. Only things that satisfy. There's a difference between something that's good and something that's satisfying. God only gives me things that will bring true satisfaction: that which makes me feel fulfilled, content. What a promise.

The only things that satisfy come from You implies that these satisfying things come from no one and nowhere but God. Anything good in my life, anything that is fulfilling or satisfying in any capacity, has come directly from God. From Him to me. It's easy at times to forget this. To think my own efforts, or the love and generosity of others, or even a good meal is the source of my satisfaction. I'm not looking deep enough when I stop there. God is the source of all satisfaction.

So, all that to say -- I'm not sure what the real words to the song are. But either way, I like it...

And who knew a "the" could make such a big difference.

thoughts

We hosted a pastors' conference this week. Some friends came in to speak at it, and I really enjoyed hearing what they had to say. Here are some of my random note-jottings from the past two days:

• God never insults the dignity of a person by calling them to something easy.

• A good friend isn’t someone who makes you feel better. A good friend is someone who makes you do better.

• Worship is about pursuing God. It’s not about pursuing the feeling you get from pursuing God.

• People’s eternities are changed in an instant; people’s lives are changed over a lifetime.

four-minute friday: rain

Go. We're in our rainy season. It started very late, but it's finally upon us. It rained quite a bit today; the sky blanketed in a dreary gray and shedding tears on a dry and weary land.

Africa is weeping.

It weeps for its people. It weeps for all that's been lost. It weeps for all that could be.

It weeps for Natalie leaving. It weeps for me.

The earth is springing to life. Everyday I notice more and more green; the ground is coming alive again. It's truly a beautiful sight.

Dreary days like we had today make me want to curl up on my comfortable couch with a cozy blanket, a hot frothy beverage, and a good book. Or a loved one.

I could do none of that today. Hopefully soon.

Done.