resolve
I’ve got nothing creative. Or wise. Or witty.
I just wanted you to know I’m alive. In case you were wondering.
My heart is heavy, my mind is swirling, my stomach hurts, and my chest is tight. But despite the day week month year I’ve had, today I had a “God is able to save me, but even if He does not…” moment.
Now I’m just praying that my faith remains strong in His faithfulness.
For His faithfulness remains strong for me.
four-minute friday: happenings
Go.
I’ve been back in Africa for ten days. And while my days have been filled with all sorts of hard, there’s also been a lot of really wonderful randomness.
Like staying up late and sleeping in long with my SweetFriend.
We’ve watched dozens of episodes of Ally McBeal, which means we have a whole list of new words that are now popping up in our vocabulary. Like snappish, bygones, disparaged, throes. They’re fun. You should try them sometime.
I’d left behind a stash of American treats that are now pretty much all expired. I don’t know why I even bother checking the date when I’m going to just shrug and eat it anyway. Here’s to stale Wheat Thins, questionable salsa con queso, and surprisingly still-good cookies that expired a year and a half ago.
God’s good to me and only our first few days here were freezing. I learned how to rock my fireplace, which isn’t as easy as simply pushing a button to light the “fake” gas fire. I’m talking wood, newsprint, and matches — Survivor-style. But today was sunny enough that I actually got away with just a short-sleeve shirt for a while. The fact that I’m wearing a fleece over it right now doesn’t take away from the joy of being de-layered earlier.
Sheesh, these four minutes went by too quickly.
All that to say, even though being here is really hard… There is beauty in my ashes.
Done.
more than words
They say friends start to sound alike.
My vocabulary is pretty chameleon-esque, with words and phrases lovingly stolen from quite a few friends. I gotta admit: I love my mosaic dialect. Mostly because of the memories that lace every word.
My sweet friend Tracee and I have picked up a crapload of each other’s sayings. (Oh yeah! She flew with me to Africa for these few weeks. God is so very good to me. It’s strengthening to my heart just to know she’s sleeping in the room next door as I type this. But I digress…)
It makes me laugh how often we sound like each other. Like the eleventy-two times it happened today alone. There are some things we both say so often, I can’t even remember anymore which one of us started them.
I love it.
It reminds me just how much my life is impacted by those I let close. And if “bad company corrupts good character,” then I know the opposite is also true.
And I hope to pick up more than words from my good company.
::
How do you and your friends sound alike? What are some words and phrases from your mosaic dialect?
my kids
I scooped up Nkosi as soon as I saw him. (He’s “my” little two-year-old at the local orphanage.) I was relieved to find him much healthier than he’d been. As I held him in my arms, I prayed and spoke blessings over him. Nkosi’s name means “Little Warrior”, and that’s a promise I love to remind him of.
I got to do Peaberry’s bedtime routine with her. While she was heavier in my arms than the last time I rocked her, she still fit perfectly. I sang my go-to song for her, snuggled her close, and whispered sweet nothings everythings to her. She is more beautiful than ever, and I love her more than I could possibly explain.
I had a play-doh date with my Siloh. We sat on the floor making penguins and pancakes, and though he’s grown up a lot, it felt like no time at all had passed. “I missed you so much,” I told him again. He looked up at me and whispered his reply: “I was at work.” I couldn’t help but laugh as my heart melted even more.
Dang.
I really missed my kids in Africa…
four-minute friday: love and loyalty
Go.
She was walking down the hill while I was walking up it. The moment she realized it was me, she burst into tears. We hugged for a long time.
Later, at my kitchen table, we talked. I wanted to know what’s new in her world and how her heart is. We both spoke; we both cried. She asked questions, she listened, she said beautiful things that my heart needed to hear. My friend overwhelmed me with her love and loyalty.
My mind keeps going back to those moments, replaying them over and over. I can’t find words to convey how hard these days have been, and how much I needed those minutes of feeling completely grounded. Of feeling as though I have purpose.
My prayers have been laced with a mixture of emotions and extreme requests. Good thing He knows my heart.
I’m so thankful that you’re talking to Him about me.
Mmmm… That, too, is love and loyalty.
Done.
