crawling back onto the altar
“To live a life of prayer, of sacrifice, of surrender to God.”
Twelve years ago I penned those words as my life mission statement. I wanted to be intentional about making my life count for something greater than me. I wanted to be deliberate about leveraging my life for His glory. And everything I could see myself doing boiled down to that simple statement.
I said simple, not easy. ‘Cause it’s been anything but easy.
Those words have been ringing in my ears this past week. Prayer, sacrifice, surrender to God. Do I still mean it?
I want to say I’m willing, even when I don’t know what He’s asking me to do. I want to follow Him even when I don’t know which way He wants me to go. I want to serve Him even when it means giving up my own notions of how I can best do that. I want to honor and glorify Him with every breath, every word, every step.
The only problem with being a living sacrifice is my tendency to crawl off the altar. When I can’t see what’s next, when the flames of uncertainty seem too much for me to bear, sometimes I climb off. I choose to follow fear instead of faith. I long for the certainties of Egypt over the uncertainties of freedom.
But I’m done. Today I’m climbing back on the altar.
The Lord Himself goes before me and will be with me. Among all the unknowns and uncertainty, He is already there. He knows. He is certain. So if I remain in Him, I can have confidence and peace even when facing more uncertainties than ever before in my life.
As I’ve ruminated on it and wrestled through it, I know this much is true: I still want each moment of my life to be one of prayer, of sacrifice, of surrender to God.
Use me however You want, God. However You want.
Amen, sister.
Have I mentioned lately how proud I am of you?
I’d like to echo Gitz.
Praying for you.
illogical uncertainies is what you are good at even if you have forgotten
mmm.
i’m praying too. as always.
To be able to write your life mission statement at such a young age shows immense maturity and clarity of thought on your behalf. I am certain that you were unaware of all that it implied. You are in good company along with Abraham and his father-son bonfire. You also remind me of those Israelite boys who took a stroll on the coals with one who had the very likeness of the Son of God. And that mysterious man Job must be a distant relative of yours seeing as he coined that ominous phrase: Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him.
You are an amazing woman, Alece. Absolutely, amazing.
You ended this post with a prayer similiar to one that I say… Help me. Teach me. Use me. I say those words and hope that I follow them faithfully when He calls to use me. I resist. I to crawl off the alter. It can be so hard sometimes. There are times that pain gets in the way, my own self gets in the way….ugh.
Alece,
Your heart…is strong. I am completley blown away by your surrender, your willingness, your desire for Jesus above all things. I cannot even tell you how this post has challenged me. You, your heart, is amazing. Thank you, dear friend, for letting me see glimpses of your heart in this journey.
Alece,
How much I appreciate your heart, melted by our Savior’s love, and knees, bent at the Cross in surrender. Thanks for your honesty.
Praying,
Jessie
i love you and i loved this.
i think it was something we all needed to hear.
Kneeling with palms up…
That’s a great life mission statement!!!!!!!!!
Wow! Wow! Wow! … and GO GIRL … and GO GOD … and Amen and yeah verily, verily. I’m standing right there with you. So proud of you! :)
“They go from strength to strength…….” (Ps. 84:7)
Can feel the “rising up” increasing with each post, Alece.
no words ….
(but these comments are amazing)
Your words remind me of a conversation Jesus had with Peter. “Satan has asked to sift you as wheat, but I have prayed that you will come out of it even stronger.” (Late. Can’t remember exact verse. Or words.) And I’ve recently been reading Ecc. and realizing, again, the importance of meaning what we say and saying what we mean. I haven’t always done that. But I’m seeing in you, Alece, a renewed determination…
…and that is very encouraging.
Friend- I have a tear sliding down my cheek. I know the weight of your words… and of your willingness to remain a living sacrifice right now. He will show you the next step… because you are surrendered. Love you…
i love the story of shad/mesh/abed…. “the God we serve is able to save us… but even if He does not…” oh for the faith to be able to say—and truly mean—the same thing!
I agree with @ngie… amazing. And immense maturity and clarity of thought have always been something I’ve admired in you.
A cool thing – the altars that they used in the temple? They were “horned altars” – out of practicality. They had to tie the animals down somehow. Why not at the four corners, on something that would make the altar look cool? But, really… living doesn’t mean willing.
On a similar note, the post made me think more of Jesus than of Abraham and Isaac. Fear is natural, human. Jesus wept. His sweat came as blood. Expect greatness of yourself – but know that fear is a normal reaction. Jesus was scared out of his mind, and asked God to give him other options. And, how many times did YHWH have to tell Joshua to “be strong and courageous”?
But when it all comes down to it, you are strong enough to handle this. I believe in you. Better yet, you are a daughter of the Almighty, the Sovereign.
[[moya wa ka o hlorelang o nyarohetseng, ka hare ho nna? o itshepele modimo, o be matla, pelo, ya hao e tiye. sefahleho sa wona ke poloko. -dipesaleme 42:5]]
thanks, yeller… i appreciate it. a lot.
i love v. 5 — “blessed are those whose strength is in You, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.”
“living doesn’t mean willing” — you are so right! i need to be more than a living sacrifice. i need to be a willing sacrifice.
i’ve been reading through a lot of those “be strong and courageous” passages. my heart needs to hear the same message. and even while fear remains, i need to do it afraid.
thank you for the sesotho reminder to put my hope in God!
trying to hear that one, sweetfriend…
Mmm. Anytime. Just as long as you know that the reminder was as much for me as it was for you, friend. I love you.
i just need to say: i love what goes on in the grit’s comments. seriously. that’s my favorite part of blogging. it’s not about everyone hearing what i have to say; it’s about getting to hear what everyone else says! i love the interaction and the community that happens here. God is good to me.
i pray that i’ll come out of this stronger than i’ve ever been…
thank you for your kind words.
Well, if you don’t mind, I’d sure appreciate if you could pray that I’ll come out of my own mess stronger, too…
trusting He’ll get us both out the other side of our individual storms stronger than before!
Yeah…
…and when we meet in Heaven, we’ll sit around a campfire and say, “Remember when we were typing on them there computers…?”
And these storms will all be a distant memory.
this comment meant more than i can say, kitty. thank you. i love you.