i packed hope
I don’t remember much of what I was thinking the day I arrived in Africa. I was only 19.
But I do recall feeling tired and skudgey from my way-too-long flight. I’d crammed everything I thought I’d need into two suitcases—I hoped I hadn’t forgotten anything crucial. I was surprised and disappointed to see who was there to meet my flight. The drive to my new home seemed long, and yet passed all too quickly.
I was nervous. Excited. Scared. Happy. Overwhelmed. All mixed into one.
But mostly I was hopeful. I felt confident I was where God wanted me to be, and I 
hoped He would somehow use me to make a big difference. I had no clue what that would look like. I didn’t even know what I wanted to do; I was just there to serve.
And while I know God was clearly calling me to Africa, I’d be lying if I said it was solely my faith in Him that got me there. I think it was a cocktail of faith, naivety, passion, and foolishness that landed me in Africa that day. And I’m absolutely okay with that.
If I’d known how my life would unfold, would I have still boarded that flight? If I’d known all the trials and heartaches I’d face, would I have still followed in faith? If I’d known how many times I’d have to say goodbye to people I love… if I had any clue how the AIDS pandemic would touch my own life… if I foresaw the droughts, fires, and tight finances… if I really knew how big the responsibility and weight would end up being… would I still have been obedient to His call to “Go”?
I’d like to think I would have. But I honestly don’t know. My passion and faith may have easily gotten swallowed up by fear and doubt.
Some times more than others, I am grateful He only gives me enough light for the next step.
There are many matters in my mind, many trips I have taken, and even more acts I have done that would be…questionable to me today. (Maybe that’s why I made them yesterday.)
But, truth be told, I can’t even see the next step. It’s just too dark.
I’m with you on that one. So often I just plead with God to give me the whole picture, knowing that if He did, it would scare the bejeebers out of me! I don’t know if my faith would have been big enough to get me out the door either!
i love this post! :-)
there are Great Truths here, Leesh.
life is a massive adventure and if we ever saw ALL that was in store for us few would have the courage to take the next step that leads us into such ‘dangers’ ‘alone’.
For those who truly believe however, we don’t ever have to take it by ourselves – do we?
Be thankful for the Light you have and it will grow brighter as your trust in Him grows stronger, helping you see more clearly the path to follow for His Greater Glory and your greatest benefit. :-)
<B
me too
Love loves this post. :-) cute.
Ok.
For me, this post stirred up the same set of questions that float to the surface of my mind at times, too. I try to push them away because of the set of questions that immediately follow. We start with: ‘if I had known…’. My nature and base progression continues with: ‘why do I think what is to come will be different…’. Didn’t know there was a cynical side to me did you?
But then here is the truth that sinks those doubts every time. You said it perfectly. Hope.
Hebrews 6:19
“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. …”
I’m finding out every day we are of kindred spirits.
Happy 11th-Moving-Day-to-Africa-Anniversary!
Alece,
To date, because you moved in naivety and passion…the future of Africa is forever changed, thousands of destinies have been realized, and thousands are still alive because of learning Truth. Pastors have been trained … churchfuls of disciples have been made and that continues on to their friends and loved ones.
I know I am different and more passionate about the world because you moved to Africa.
Not that knowing these answers your questions, but hopefully encourages your heart knowing that, even if painful and difficult, God did, and is still doing, amazing things because of you.
I love you.
i am so glad you went. and i am still going to go to africa….even if i am an old lady (though hopefully not like the priest’s mother in the last scenes of “going my way” with bing crosby..hehe!!)
“Enough light for the next step” – Oh, that God of ours! He’s such a wise and loving God, isn’t He???
Amen Sister! I think if I knew all the wonderful plans He has for me, I’d either dash out ahead of Him or completely freak out. Plus, I believe living in the each step, I see more clearly His hand and all the neat gifts He unpacks despite whatever circumstances I may be standing in. He is such a good Daddy!
I would love, one day, to pack up the family and come to Thrive Africa. It looks amazing … and the best thing would be getting to meet you in person! :)
Walk in His blessings today! Love you!
Mmmm, yes. Sometimes, I feel like that path is really lit – but I really only know the vague idea. Almost all of the details are hidden from me, and I find out every day that there is so much more to God’s plan than I could have imagined. Not quite the same situation as you ahora, but I’ve been there, too.
If the husband and I had know how very difficult it would be to parent our daughter, I don’t know that we would have made the choice to move ahead with the adoption. I am SO VERY GRATEFUL that God kept so much hidden from us. Those first three years were so very challenging, but we are greatly blessed by having her in our lives. We can look back now and think, “wow, what a difference… in her, in us.” Thank you for sharing this bit of your heart with us.
After reading this, I want to write something profound. But I am left without words. Just like your previous few post. Thank you for sharing your heart.
I loved this… I am constantly reminding myself that He gives me what I need, when I need it. “I have everything I need” has become my mantra.
Will you do me a favor and email me? I’m using a borrowed laptop and when I click on your email me link it isn’t set up to do it and I don’t want to mess with her settings. But, while I backed up my contacts, I don’t have them accessible and can’t find your email anywhere.
All that to say, I’m going a little nuts not being able to email you and know how you are. I MISS YOU. Praying for you every day.
Very toughtful post as usual.
I am as much in the dark about tomorrow as everyone else.
It is faith that gives us hope. It is pretty scary taking that next step without it.
I only hope that one day you will see the HUGE impact you have had in so many lifes. I totally agree with the one step at a time thing,…never thought of it that way. I LOVE You Alece, thank you for moving to Africa when you were 19. Seriously, Thanks.
i think i would have been petrified had He shed light on my tomorrows for me. i wouldnt have budged. im sure of it. i also wouldnt be the chick i am today…and you know…i dont much mind how ive turned out. and all the room for improvement that is yet to be improved…well, all those tomorrows i dont know about yet – im sure there are remedies in them waiting for me ;)
i love you so much and this was so encouraging. You have such AN AMAZING story. your always seeking after what God wants not want you want. And I am so encouraged by your love and just your example of living in that. Keep on remembering that God wants all of you and he has his everlasting arms wrapped around you.
know this: I FREAKINGGGG LOVE YOU DUDE :)
Just enough light for the next step, keeps us living by faith.
I read this in Ecclesiastes last night:
In times of prosperity be joyful, but in times of adversity consider this: God has made one as well as the other, so that no one can discover what the future holds.
I guess that’s the point: He doesn’t want us to know.
That way it’s all about trust and faith in Him.
He’s teaching us something, Alece. I just haven’t got it figured out, but maybe that’s the point. This way it’s total dependence, moment by moment…inch by inch…
I spelt lives lifes.. my bad.. haha.
“Only enough light for the next step.” I said something like this to my husband last night. Somehow I think He treasures the times He leads us this way. Sometimes perhaps he gives us a view to the future so we can plan accordingly. Sometimes not. Perhaps it’s usually a mixture of the two. I don’t know. But I think these times of total reliance without question, without knowing … He remembers them. They are precious to Him. The kind of thing He’ll talk about for ages to come. “Abraham believed God …”
Just wondering is that Nkosi?
“I know I am different and more passionate about the world because you moved to Africa. ”
That is so true! It amazes me how we are all connected. You are one of those people who connects,but for me you force me out of the boxes that I have built and make me think out of them…so thank you for that as well.
I can also say that I am different and more passionate about the world because you moved back (however long or short) to America. This act of deliberate obedience has opened my eyes to what is healthy and how to pray and seek for you and for me (in this African journey). I love being on this whirlwind with you. Thanks for inviting us on it.
Man, I love the way you write.
Thank you for that.
Light for the next step. Good one.
wow. Alece.
Those words are packed full of honesty. Reflection. Power. Resolve. Maturity.
Thank you for sharing a glimpse of who you were ten+ years ago… Thank you.
for a visit
danielle – this comment to alece has me bawling…
you are precious!
yeller…. your comment was overwhelming (in the good way). thank you for your kind words…
sigh.
i am of a trrust and a Faith that such is to be the ‘way’ for us all Sis…
Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
WE are to walk one step, one day at a time, hand in hand with Him then side by side so that our light does not overshadow His on our path.
It can be a little scary and often surprising if we do not know what may happen one week, one month, one year ahead… but i believe that is an important part of our time down here – relying upon Him for our Future and particularly for our present circumstances.
If we can fully learn that – and live it – we are well on our (His) Way. :-)
<B
michelle – total dependence is right. i know that full well.
“why do i think what is to come will be different” – thank you for your honesty. and you know… i think the same thing, friend.
BUT “we have this hope”… so, so powerful.
africa will change you. i hope you come one day – i think you’ll love it.
and of course getting to meet you would be wonderful.
fritz-friend… i just sent you a quick email…. so now you have my email address again! i’m so glad you have a loaner laptop!
i’m grateful. because as a result, you are in my life.
may the same be said about me…
That’s just the point, gigi. I think He is saying it about you.
But living it…that’s the part that causes me trouble.
My mantra today: “Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace”
FYP…and me.
this picture was long before nkosi… it was just months after i moved to africa… i was at an orphanage in mozambique actually.
man, that seems a lifetime ago…
i don’t know how you do it, but… thank you. thank you for showering me with your kind words…
send me your number so i can text you… please?
to hear that from someone whose writing i admire so much…. woah. thank you, ms. beall…
you know what? i posted this on my 11th-africa-anniversary… sigh.
your words mean a lot, friend. thank you.