burden of leadership
I’ve been pondering the burden of leadership. Let me explain…
A lot of people have come through the revolving door of our ministry in the past decade: interns, mission team members, staff. Many others are tied into us through their support. All in all, we have a huge spiderwebbed network of people that are connected to Thrive Africa. And that makes them connected to Niel and I.
While I don’t personally stay in touch with every single person in the Thrive spiderweb, I correspond with as many as I can (and as many as want to write back!) and we pray often for our entire extended family.
The past few weeks have unraveled some heartbreaking things that are going on in our family members’ lives. It culminated this morning with the news—before 8 AM, mind you—that two people had just lost loved ones.
And it’s left my heart feeling heavy.
So I’m wrestling with this whole burden of leadership thing. I know I’m not responsible for people, only to them. I know I can’t carry the burdens that others carry in their lives. I know that allowing myself to get “emotionally involved” with even a fraction of the thousands of people that are connected with Thrive is more than I could ever handle. I know that I can’t be everyone’s fixer, that I can’t always have the answer, that I can’t always be there for people. I know all of that.
But that still doesn’t make it any easier to hear that people I know and love are facing
- the deaths of two family members within 9 months
- sexual abuse at the hands of someone they should’ve been able to trust
- unceasing physical pain
- emotional scars and hurts that have festered for years
- inexplicable health problems
- a long road ahead due to horribly wrong life decisions
What are your thoughts on the burden of leadership? Where’s the line between compassion and an unhealthy taking-it-on-yourself-ness? How much caring is too much, and how much is not enough?
first off…I’m praying for you…and everyone down there at Thrive.
second…I know what you are talking about. There is definitely a line and it can be very hard to find. I personally am one of those people who sometimes takes on too much of what others are dealing with. But somewhere along the way God gave me a revelation…I couldn’t even save myself, so how could I expect to save others? In a position of leadership…the best thing to do is show compassion, love, and offer comfort. And not taking the burden on yourself, but giving it up to God. It’s a hard thing to learn for most people (I’m still learning).
My prayers go out to you and my Thrive family.
I agree wholeheartedly with Mandie. There comes a point where, as leaders, we have to hand it all over to God. Yes, have compassion. Yes, pray for them. Yes, be available to listen & be a shoulder to cry on. But, we cannot take it all on ourselves. This is something I have been dealing with alot lately too. Its so easy to type, but so much harder to put into practice… Love you Friend
thanks for the thoughts, ladies.
i guess i’m trying to think beyond that. i know that i need to turn it over to the Lord, but i guess i’d like to think of what that practically means.
yes i pray for these people and the situations they are in. but my heart is still heavy for them – heavy with concern and love. i think in small doses, that’s not necessarily a bad thing. but when it’s on the scale that i find it currently in — because of the sheer numbers of people that are connected to us — i’m no longer sure what to do with it all.
does that make more sense?
Yes. It makes perfect sense. Practically- no answers :) Wish I knew- it’d make life in the ministry SO much easier. Praying for you
I’m at a loss to contribute some words of “wisdom” here… but what I can offer… is my listening ear… and a hug.
The line is only if you allow yourself to 1) feel guilt because you didn’t prevent it, or 2) feel responsible to “fix it.” You DO have responsibilities in leadership, for those under you… definitely. But that responsibility doesn’t infringe upon their free choice.
Beyond that, there is no “caring too much.” That’s both the glory and the burden of leadership. It’s also the chance to feel and see a piece of what God goes through all the time. He knows every pain and hurt of every human on the face of the planet, and He loves every single one more than you love Neil. Compassion gives you just that, the ability to feel more of other people’s pain.
The thing is, I believe that it also gives you a connection with God that can allow Him to use you in stronger and more powerful ways. Jesus did miracles because He was moved with this same compassion.
Surrender the situation to God, but always continue to be willing for Him to use you in more and more remarkable ways. What if the compassion He gives you for that body in pain will one day leads to Him using a touch from you to heal them permanently? What if the compassion for that soul being abused leads to Him placing words of revelation in your mouth that set that soul free from the burden the abuse has left behind?
The pain that comes from compassion isn’t something to run from, or to be left behind. We must simply trust that God will not allow more than we are able to handle, and we must learn to draw upon His joy and peace to greater and great extents as He allows us to feel more and more of His compassion.
-Katie
http://www.HopeIsCalling.com
K, I woke up 6 hours later to this challenge.. Whoa first off….
We cannot stop life happening… You know that.
deaths, sexual abuse, health, pain etc. It’s going to happen. You have been in ministry for 10 years that’s alot of lives.
Why does it pile up now? Is that the burden you are talking about?
I think life around us is always there, I am going through a very difficult transition right now, it’s always been there and I never dealt with it and buried it and now it has open wounds.
Why now? Because I am moving in the things of God now.. YOU AND THRIVE are also.
What do I do to release the burden..
SURRENDER it.!!!
It’s sounds so blaise to tell someone that you are praying for them. BUT if you are truly standing beside them spiritually asking to be their prayer warrior I believe God will see that and HONOR and Bless those individuals A deeper healing than we can give them as leaders.
Yes there’s a time to hug them, hold them, cry with them, but if WE STAND WITH THEM and pray… I believe God will do the rest.
My opinion now.. Always lovin and prayin U know that though!!!
simone — we need to touch base!! i’m sorry i’ve been so AWOL!
kitty — i’ll take you up on both!
katie — wow. that was all i could even think after reading your comment. thank you for your wise words.
heidi — you are so good for me, you know that!?
I hope that someones words helped you, I don’t feel like I have any today. You have such a loving heart, I think it’s wonderful how you care for your “family” even after they have moved away. I will e-mail you. Love you!! and am praying for you. Sorry thats all I have today, but I know God can do more than I can.
((((hugs)))
thanks, sweet faith.
oh friend,
i’m sorry that this is a hard, not-so-much-the-glory part of missions and leadership.
i’ve told you before, i think it is so good that your emotions are involved with the people that you lead.
i don’t know what to say…only…look at the leadership style of Jesus. He was very much involved with the lives of His followers, good and bad.
i’ll be praying for you, and sending you an email.
i love you.
mmm… thank you for that, yeller. thank you for even noticing that about me (and pointing it out!).
i think i should take great consolation from john 11:35 — “jesus wept.”
i love that you love and care so genuinely and deeply. and you cant care too much.
there is a very fine line.
im not in leadership like you, but i have learned in sharing my testimony and having so many people contact me, that i can not carry their cross. if someone else wouldve carried mine, i wouldnt be the person i am today. i might have missed out on something big. but i CAN listen, counsel, love, and pray with them. but then…i have to step away and let them journey it with the Lord. and it isnt always easy…especially if i think i have the answers.
i dont know alece. i just appreciate that you care enough about people to feel burdened for them.
you are beautiful.
Maybe instead of feeling it as a burden, we need to train ourselves to have empathy. And then as Heidi said let them know that you are standing as a Prayer Warrior beside them. Let them know you are there if they need anything else to please ask.
If you don’t learn to set aside the burden to some degree you may find that you are burned out and unable to stand in prayer.
I have missed you. I am glad you are back.
No answers to your questions – I’m not in leadership yet. Such deep things. Wow. My heart is with you.
I still don’t really know.
But I love you.
And I love your heart.
And it is the reason people are still connected to Thrive– you keep places in your heart for people well beyond their visit. Do you know how unique that is? How rare that is?
But even still. The burdens of others is not supposed to weigh you down to the ground, I just know it. If the Bible says that God will not give us more than we can handle, then I should believe that, right? And so, in the realm of other people’s hurts, we should be allowed (honored, really) to hold them for a while, but then it is our job to lift their hearts to God to take. He’s the biggest body builder in the world, and He can handle way more weight than you and I can– are supposed to– were created to.
1st Peter tells us to cast all our cares on Him… so I think I might try that more often then I do. To let go is not to forget, but to give to Him in whose hands everything is better, I suppose.
Still. What does that mean practically?
Maybe it means praying for their hurts– and then focusing on what you need to get done for the day. Asking God to, in some ways, compartmentalize your life so that burdens don’t shroud you so much that you can’t do daily stuff.
I’m just thinking on the keyboard, though.
I love you.
I don’t have a clue where the line is…but I pray and “release” as much to the Cross as I can without trying to take on the whatevers that is going on….if that makes any sense at all. I have been totally feeling the leadership burden as of late. Even more so on this side of the the ocean as we try to communicate and seem at such a loss for the right words. It is so much easier to “do” then to talk about doing….but that is another comment probably. So all I can do is pray and then my second is to work things out to find solutions with my groom. He freakin rocks at helping me find healthy solutions to whatever is hurting my heart and those around me. I lean on his leadership.
You are blessed with a burden. It’s hard to care so much, but it’s so good to know you do. I wish I knew what to tell you. I have this same blessing.
It does keep you close to Him in a position of surrender and humility. That’s a very good thing.
FYP
i’ve so valued everyone’s input here. thank you!
tam — i love what you said about the fact that if someone had carried your cross, you wouldn’t be who you are today. that provides a lot of perspective.
theresa — i do need to step up more in the “prayer warrior” department.
becca — i’m glad we got to talk about this a bit the other day. and i so appreciated you pointing out the uniqueness of my heart; thank you.
funny thing is… the bible doesn’t say God won’t give us more than we can handle. we made that one up all on our own!
kristi — awesome to hear how much you’re able to rely on daniel with things like this!
michelle –”position of surrender”… 12 years ago i wrote out my life mission statement: to live a life of sacrifice, surrender, and service to God. guess we should be careful what we ask for! ;-)
The only thing I can think to add is that you also have many members of your family who:
learned and grew while working alongside amazing people like you and your other staff members
-and-
a clearer vision for God’s plan and a stronger will and ability to carry it out because of the time and wisdom invested in their [our] lives by you.
I think I’ve said before that you’ve done an amazing job with your ministry. I’ll say it again – you’re an amazing woman. I wouldn’t want you to be any other way than who you are: compassionate, empathetic, and so much more.
roo — woah. thank you, friend. i needed to hear that.
What a good conversation here.
Hmm…
Tam’s comment is especially pertinent; with the context of the history she has been revealing lately it carries so much more weight in this topic.
Practicality… Mother Theresa was once asked how she survived amongst such great suffering and she responded, “I help the person in front of me.”
I wonder if times like these are what urged David to write, “…though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil.”
Fear not oh kind-hearted soul. You won’t mess up if you just keep putting one foot in front of the other (that is the walking through part).
I feel you.
such great thoughts, @ngie. all i can do is help the person in front of me…