Recently someone told me I seemed European. When my face scrunched up into a question mark, he explained:
“You’re so confident and self-assured. You’re not insecure like most American women seem to be.”
I about choked on my breadstick. I wanted to look over my shoulder and find the woman he was really talking to, because there’s no way that description fits me. Definitely the wrong size. Send it back for a refund!
I laughed and said, “Really?!” My voice went up about 6 octaves at the end of that one word. (I was dripping with European self-assuredness!)
While I still think what he said was a bit far-fetched—he’s not called Jack the Wack for nothin’—I also know that others see in me things I don’t see in myself. Even more, I know that God sees in me so much more than I see in myself.
I want eyes to see those things.
Not so I can pat myself on the back. Or walk with my chest out. (Although I could definitely use better posture.) Or even so I can feel better about myself.
I want eyes to see those things because He put them in me. And to ignore them, or worse, never even uncover them, would be a slap in His face.
Today I am praying, “Lord, help me to realize the truth about myself, no matter how beautiful it is.”
Welcome home Friend! Its been great to read your blog & keep up to date with your life. But its SO much nicer having you home again! Nearby. Makes me happy.
“No matter how beautiful” is so true- once we have seen the truth- “Lord, help us to walk in that truth.”
By: Simone on September 10, 2008
at 9:57 am
yes! so good. “lord, help me walk in that truth!”
By: alece on September 10, 2008
at 10:58 am
I want eyes to see those things because He put them in me. And to ignore them, or worse, never even uncover them, would be a slap in His face.
Do you have a paper towel I can borrow??
I just spat hot tea across my keyboard, screen of my laptop.
Friend, do you know how powerful the statement above is? This whole post shook me.
I tell you or try to tell you HOW AMAZING you are all the time… Yeah stand straight Ms. Alece.. you are amazing, and whatever, and whomever, or if it’s yourself… bring them here and I’ll kick their bum.. if they are trying to convince you any differently!!
This layer I haven’t got too… I’m glad I got a friend walking beside me.. :)
By: Heidi on September 10, 2008
at 1:38 pm
Quick observation - so your time stamp is back to South Africa time. Cool.
Not so quick observation - so I read that last line like eighteen times. What a great prayer; not for the faint of heart at all.
Recently I have not really wanted to know the greatness that lies within because I don’t exactly want to be held accountable for doing something with it. BUT that just shows my lack of faith. Because if it is HIM who is showing me these hidden truths then it will be HIM who helps me to flourish. And it might actually be more fulfilling than I have ever known in my whole life. So… no more sitting on my laurels like a scaredy cat. I am going to pray that prayer today - and I am going to mean it.
By: @ngie on September 10, 2008
at 1:41 pm
heidi — absolutely! i’m so glad we’re walking together… two unfinisheds!
angie — wow. thank you for the honesty in your comment. i understand that same hesitation. to know means to be responsible. or like you said, it means to trust. HE’S the one who is responsible. i love that you are praying that with me today.
By: alece on September 10, 2008
at 2:09 pm
(and yep — time stamp is set to SA time! you’ve got a good eye, @ngie!)
By: alece on September 10, 2008
at 2:11 pm
So what was for lunch??
I’m starved!!!
By: Heidi on September 10, 2008
at 2:18 pm
leftover spaghetti. i still haven’t gone into town yet to buy groceries, and my supply of non-perishables is running low! yikes!
By: alece on September 10, 2008
at 2:19 pm
I LUHUHUHUHUHUVVV that I can hear your voice in my head, in that part when it went up 6 octaves: “REALLY?”
You must have some kind of security in life, to pack up and move to the other side of the ocean/hemisphere when you were a teenager. That takes all manner of guts.
By: mandythompson on September 10, 2008
at 2:19 pm
and i LUHUHUHUHUHUVVV that you can hear me in your head!
thanks for pointing out my guts.
By: alece on September 10, 2008
at 2:21 pm
Spaghetti is hard to think about at 5:29 in the morning girl. But I asked. What really sounds good is a grilled cheese sandwhich… mmm..
i hope you got to do your class??
By: Heidi on September 10, 2008
at 2:30 pm
grilled cheese sounds great to me, too. but that would require bread. which i don’t have!
i did my class this morning (it was rescheduled. PHEW!). although it was more of a “let’s catch up” time than a real class. but that was fine by me and i loved reconnecting with my interns!
By: alece on September 10, 2008
at 2:34 pm
I have some bread..
let me see 7 grain, mmm.. wonder.. or some wheat…..
wanna borrow some???
awesome about the class….
I’m off to the beach.. Do you want any coffee with that bread?? :)
By: Heidi on September 10, 2008
at 2:40 pm
wheat please.
and yes - a hazelnut latte would be great!
enjoy your beach, friend.
By: alece on September 10, 2008
at 2:41 pm
I will…
I have a few 3X5 cards filled with requests,
heavy ones, I don’t think I am going to get out of there too soon.
I’ll talk soon eh??
Love you…. (stop eating your Yankee candle :) )
By: Heidi on September 10, 2008
at 2:46 pm
ooohhh… this is so good friend.
is Jack the whack the favorite waitor at that fabulous place in the city? He’s perceptive.
By: amy on September 10, 2008
at 4:10 pm
Wow. This post definitely hit me today. It is one of those times when “life” has happened and I am struggling to see the truth about myself. “Lord, help me to realize the truth about myself, no matter how beautiful it is.”
By: April on September 10, 2008
at 4:21 pm
great stuff…hard to do sometimes!!! good thing you didn’t spit the breadstick all over him…
By: jon mark on September 10, 2008
at 4:41 pm
amy — no, but your guess made me laugh! jack is an old friend of my dad who came to my gram’s funeral; he said that to me when we were having the big family lunch afterwards.
april — mmm… i’m praying for you.
jon mark — yeah! that would’ve shown him my non-europeanness!
By: alece on September 10, 2008
at 4:49 pm
Not to put a downer on that prayer - it certainly can take some guts to learn the Truth about How Magnificent He made us to be - and then see just how inadequate and how ’small’ in faith we have let ourselves all become.
Religion is mostly to blame for our failure to ‘grow up’ into the beings He created us as. Keeping our power for themselves. We are to be humbled when compared to Him not when compared to a priest or bishop.
I would point out however, that it takes far more guts to pray for the Good, Bad and even the Ugly Truth about who we all have become… No matter what.
Still, it is not advisable to run before we have fully learned how to crawl, i guess?
Truth IS Beauty - but our human knowledge of Beauty is about on par with our knowledge of Love. Few if any of us can see it for what it actually is - or more importantly show it to others in ourselves - anywhere near as perfectly as we could. But i hope that we’re learning to.
your friends and family and i love the beauty we see in you Alece. I hope your prayer is answered in the days and months to come.
:-)
<B
By: lovewillbringustogether on September 10, 2008
at 4:49 pm
oh this was wonderful!!
I have discovered an upside to you moving half a world away….
I get to wake up to new posts from you!!! Makes my morning! :D
I love you and I think you are beautifully wonderful. ((hug))
By: Brandy on September 10, 2008
at 4:53 pm
mr. love — i hear what you’re saying, but for some reason i find it far easier (albeit still scary!) to pray “Lord, help me to realize the truth about myself, no matter how ugly it is.” it is easier for me to ask Him to show me the areas i lack, am weak, need to grow, etc. those things are challenging for me, and the knowing means i need to work on them, but maybe because i tend to think negatively about myself anyway, doing that comes easier than asking Him to show me the areas about me that are beautiful, strong, wonderful and yet underdeveloped or underrealized. hence, the direction of my prayer. and my post.
By: alece on September 10, 2008
at 4:53 pm
brandy — yay for looking at the glass half-full! and… i miss you!
By: alece on September 10, 2008
at 4:54 pm
That was simply beautiful. Satan tries to keep us focused on the ugly. Praise God He sees beautiful. I am praying that same prayer with you today … Lord, show me how you see me … my beauty in the midst of ashes.
P.S. I have been following your blog for several months now. It is funny and poignant and you and all your crazy blogger friends have blessed me!
By: Debra Morel on September 10, 2008
at 5:10 pm
i love how you worded it, debra — “my beauty in the midst of ashes”. so good!
and i’m encouraged to hear you’ve been reading. and i always wonder what brings “lurkers” out of hiding to comment! what was it about this post that did it for you?
i’m sure glad you did!
By: alece on September 10, 2008
at 5:12 pm
i miss you too. strange eh?
SHAME. ;-)
By: Brandy on September 10, 2008
at 5:31 pm
shame is right!
By: alece on September 10, 2008
at 5:33 pm
heehee
Aidan said shame yesterday. I couldn’t stop laughing. ha!!
By: Brandy on September 10, 2008
at 5:56 pm
you’re saying it enough for Aidan to pick it up?! you go girl!
By: alece on September 10, 2008
at 6:05 pm
HAHA!!!
Good grief.
Shame.
Crap. *blush*
What the heck? *blush*
The last two we are working on NOT saying anymore b/c they don’t sound so good coming out of his mouth. haha! The other night he said “what the crap” and I about dropping my spatula! *SHOCK*
By: Brandy on September 10, 2008
at 6:12 pm
i think kids are probably the best mouth-filter there is!
By: alece on September 10, 2008
at 6:16 pm
oh yes. yes they are. *blush* :(
They are more effective than any bar of soap my mom stuck in my mouth, that’s for sure!
I emailed you. I’m signing off. ;-)
love you!
By: Brandy on September 10, 2008
at 6:26 pm
Alece,
I linked to your blog through “Stuff Christians Like.” I enjoyed it so much that day (can’t recall when) that I have checked it everyday since.
I guess this post touched me because satan is reminding me lately (migraines will do that) of all that I do wrong and not much is left that I do right. Then, God reminds me that there is much I do right in His strength and to rest and regroup and remind myself of who I am and whose I am and then “I can do all things (homeschool, parent, be a good example, be encouraging, speak life) through Christ who strengthens me.”
Thanks for asking. It was good to write it and be reminded again.
Debra
By: Debra on September 10, 2008
at 6:30 pm
This is more frightening than beating ourselves up, isn’t it…? To really grasp ourselves as the image of HIM… WOW!!! Thanks for inspirations for us to reshift our thinking.
Blessings,
Roxx
By: Roxanne Kristina on September 10, 2008
at 7:17 pm
Thought you might like this… sorry if redundant and you’ve seen before…
Our Greatest Fear By: Marianne Williamson
Made Famous by Nelson Mandela
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others.
By: Roxanne Kristina on September 10, 2008
at 7:37 pm
i dont know you as well as i would like to. yet. but from what i have been privileged to get to know from you…all i see IS confidence. it takes a lot to do what you do alece. even if you dont feel “self” confidence in that - you are confident in Him. and in a round about way - that makes YOU confident!
we are equipped with absolutely everything we need to run this race… but very few of us believe that, completely. you seem to grasp that more than most.
By: tam on September 10, 2008
at 7:41 pm
what powerful words today Alece! I needed to hear that. I’ve struggled..always..with a bad self image…or thoughts of who I am. I forget DAILY who God sees me as. If I’d think of it the way you mentioned…well, it’s much nicer that’s for sure!
Thanks for the fresh perspective.
By: Jennifer Griffin on September 10, 2008
at 7:50 pm
Alece - this is my first time your site and I LOVE it. Choked on your breadstick?!?! Hilarious.
Why is that that others can sometimes see us better than we see ourselves? I guess that’s what great friends are for - to remind us how great we really are!
By: JudiFree.com on September 10, 2008
at 8:25 pm
amen.
By: ric booth on September 10, 2008
at 8:30 pm
Wow! You don’t know how many times I’ve asked God to just let me see myself, for one day, through His eyes. I guess if He did that, I’d probably get a big head though so He just wants me to trust Him and take His word for it. :)
By: Hope on September 10, 2008
at 10:49 pm
debra — i love love love that you explained that! thank you so much!
roxx — i agree that this is more challenging than asking Him to show me all my weaknesses… and i’ve always liked that quote!
tam — your constant encouragement of me makes a big difference. you should know that. when do i get that hug?
judi — yay! welcome to the Grit! and you’re right: that’s one great thing about great friends!
hope — why is it so hard for me to take His Word for it????
By: alece on September 10, 2008
at 11:01 pm
“Lord, help me to realize the truth about myself, no matter how beautiful it is.”
There are times when I am more comfortable with a criticism than a complement.
If we don’t gain the confidence that we are capable then other people will have little reason to think we are. The success of Thrive Africa demonstrates how capable you are.
Would Niel marry anyone who was not beautiful? I think you can trust Niel’s judgment, as you can trust your God’s in leading you to Thrive Africa.
By: edfromct on September 10, 2008
at 11:26 pm
you always speak right to my heart and right to the point of the issue, ed! thank you.
By: alece on September 10, 2008
at 11:32 pm
Haven’t been here much - but pray for you! Your ministry has me in awe - it has me soul searching. Thanks Alece.
By: Indian Lake Papa on September 10, 2008
at 11:53 pm
You’ve always, always been faithful to show me what you see, and to tell me that God sees even more than what you can perceive.
You have helped me in more ways than I’ll ever be able to articulate.
I am praying that you allow God to show you how He sees you. Here’s what I see in you: You are confident- and when you aren’t, you do it afraid (I coined it from you..And to think, I thought it was Andy Stanley! but I can coin it from you because you demonstrate it yourself.)
And you are beautiful. You’re gentle, observant, you speak for the quiet voice, you communicate well, whether you’re speaking or writing, you’re a natural teacher, you love seeing people understand and go toward their vision.
and you love Africa.
Oh, and you are European, remember? You speak fraunsh.
By: Becca on September 11, 2008
at 1:07 am
Thank you, Alece. That means more than you know right now.
By: April on September 11, 2008
at 1:52 am
“A friend who is far away is sometimes much nearer than one who is at hand. Is not the mountain far more awe-inspiring and more clearly visible to one passing through the valley than to those who inhabit the mountain?” -
— Khalil Gibran
By: Heidi on September 11, 2008
at 7:48 am
papa — your prayers mean more than i can express!
becca — your comment got me all choked up. and then, of course, you ended it by making me laugh. thank you, friend, for your kind words.
april — yay! i see you!
heidi — that is beautiful!
By: alece on September 11, 2008
at 8:00 am
“Lord, help me to realize the truth about myself, no matter how beautiful it is.”
I never feel that way.
By: kristiapplesauce on September 11, 2008
at 8:37 pm
This post moved me. My whole heart wishes that people could see themselves as the truly amazing, beautiful people God made them to be. To know that you are right there too … tugs at my heart.
Now we see through a glass dimly ….
By: annie on September 11, 2008
at 11:56 pm
kristi — i don’t normally either — you should know that. hence this post, which was 100% directed at myself.
annie — i loved hearing how this resonated with you!
By: alece on September 12, 2008
at 11:36 pm
I really liked this post Leece. I have so many insecurities about who I am but this morning God spoke to me about that [I wrote a post about this]. We do look at ourselves under a microscope and tend to focus on the negative. When people do share our good qualities with us, we doubt and wonder what their motives are for thinking/saying that. I also tend to take on the negative things people say about me and allow them to override anything positive they may be. It’s so contrary to God’s Word which declares that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, precious in His sight. I agree that we need to begin looking at ourselves the way He does, after all He created us, He would know :) Love you :)
By: gchyayles on September 13, 2008
at 2:48 am
so good, ayles! i’m heading to your site now to read your post…
By: alece on September 13, 2008
at 8:40 pm