departing thoughts
I am not an island. I was hardwired for relationships. I was built to love and be loved. I was created for intimacy.
I never knew that as much as I do right now.
This past year has been one that’s reinforced that truth in my heart. I’ve lived in Africa for ten years, and most of that time all of my close friends lived an ocean away. This past year I was spoiled to have a few at arm’s length (on both sides of the ocean).
In some ways I think I was better off not knowing what I’ve been missing out on all these years. But at the same time, I can’t imagine how hollow I’d be without all the experiences of the past twelve months. Even with the sadness of their endings, I wouldn’t trade those times with friends for anything in the world. I am a better person as a result of them. I needed to know—really know—that it’s okay for me to need people and to desire connectedness. I think, on some level, I thought it was wrong. Or not for me. Or something I had to sacrifice in order to be a missionary.
But now I know the truth. And my life is richer for it, with all its joys and heartaches.
And now, as I sit in an airport having just said goodbye again, my heart feels swollen. And I wonder if this is what people with hearts that are too large for their chests feel like.
I may only be an ocean away… But I am only a prayer away. You rock!!
I’ve never met you but your so down to earth, so real, I guess that’s what is so amazing.
You got to see a baby born, even see her cord fall off in your hands, this peaberry shares your most beautiful name and spirit.
Oh what a gift that you take on your next journey.
There are never goodbyes… just see ya laters.
Praying and loving ya
Feel for you, I hate saying good-bye too, you really feel it when you live far away from your family and people you love, but I like what Heidi just said about there just being see ya laters. The reunion part is so fun too, and something I always look forward to.
Your experiences with your friends, and little Alece have sounded so great, I hope the memories keep bringing a smile to your face whenever you think back :)
You write so, so well.
heidi — yes! each of these times (sometimes just moments) with friends is a gift. i see that, and i know that. i just wrestle with feeling like the gift is “taken away” when it comes to an end. i know that’s not true, cause friendship transcends distance. but i miss the day-in-day-out aspect so much afterwards. who’d think there’d be so much joy, so much security, in the mundane shared details of our lives… (thanks for your prayers. i know you are so faithful in that.)
birgit — i know you can relate to living far from loved ones; i’m sure that is always hard for you as well. and these memories will definitely make me smile for a very, very long time…
becca — i don’t take that compliment lightly. thank you.
“In some ways I think I was better off not knowing what I’ve been missing out on all these years.”
ohhhh, my heart breaks 4 u as I totally know what u are feeling! I’m with you in spirit, even if I can’t be there in the flesh.
Simon and Garfunkel. Good. ;)
This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot recently. It seems that no matter where I am, a good portion of my best friends are far away. It’s taken me a long time to get to the point where I can admit that I miss people. “I can’t imagine how hollow I’d be without all the experiences of the past twelve months.” So, so true.
thank you, Alece. thank you for sharing so openly here. the transparency really means a lot. i am so blessed to know you and Niel. i struggle so hard with contentment, always feeling that i am missing out on something really important. whether it be an ocean away or being the only one of my friends with such a different kind job, which has me working 24/7 a few days each month.
i just need to change my thinking around. if i wasn’t where i am now, i would be missing out on it.
In the words of a great (60’s) poet, “Sail on silver girl.”
You are a real person; this post proves it. Press on dear one.
September is right around the corner- and half of my brain is already in SA… so here’s to our next season of life together ;)
That “swollen” feeling..???
That’s the one i get from knowing Love!
Both Giving and receiving ( breathing it in – and out)
<B
:_( I am glad that you had this time as well. Knowing that you have true friends is one of the greatest blessings God gives.
I am praying for you…..
he holds that heart of yours in his hands…..
No man is an island…
amen.
Im pretty sure this is how I felt when I had to come home early.
mandy — to know is to really miss.
mo — thanks…
roo — simon and garfunkel??
hannah — ’tis true about how easy it is to miss out on where we are right now… i fear i do that all too often.
amy — i’ll drink to that!
therealstorie — mmm… He does hold my heart; i need to be more cognizant of that. thanks for the reminder.
amyjoy — i bet it is… i felt it when you left, too. (remember how i cried all my mascara off??)
Alece, it is something we all need to be reminded of. You are precious!!
Actaully, Art is a singer not a poet. Paul Simon is the poet.
and a good one at that.
hmmmm.
love you.
I couldnt even wear makeup.. for that whole weekend.., or when I think about it.
i’m so glad i saw you last week. i’ll call you soon.