Sometimes I’m not sure how to receive it — or process it — when someone points out growth they’ve seen in me. I realized tonight that my tendency is to negate their words — to think of all the reasons it isn’t true.
When a friend described a change she can see in me as a result of some intentionality on my part, I immediately brushed it off. I justified it. Excused it. Maybe what she noticed isn’t really the result of what I’d like to think it is. Maybe I just seem to have improved because of all these external factors rather than an internal change.
And then I caught myself. Wide-eyed, I froze — like a child caught in her mom’s makeup, lipstick held to her lips.
In regard to this specific area of growth, I’d trusted for an outward, visible evidence. Why, then, am I so willing, so quick, to forfeit that? To excuse it away?
I made a choice in that instant of awareness to reach out and grab it. To fully acknowledge her comment. To embrace it like a tangible form of my freedom, growth, change.
When I see it as something I can hold in my hand, put in my pocket, it makes it feel more real. Or rather, I feel it more real-ly.
Kind of like play-doh sometimes, eh?
Thank you.
-Becca
By: Anonymous on August 24, 2007
at 12:16 pm
I liked the visual I got with “like a child caught in her mom’s makeup, lipstick held to her lips.”
How great is it to have someone that can see and encourage growth and change in you.
Also, how great is it that we are both on laptops, side by side, sitting on your couch!
By: Natalie on August 24, 2007
at 7:41 pm
It’s like the woman who spends hours getting ready to go out for the evening and looks smashing. Then someone compliments her on her dress and she says, “This old thing?”
I think sometimes we don’t want to own up to something because we are trying to stay humble. But a humble person can also be grateful and honest.
I am glad that you were able to recognize this about yourself.
By: @ngie on August 24, 2007
at 8:46 pm
I’m with Angie - it’s such a good thing to be able to recognize something good about yourself. You are not alone - I believe the culprit is insecurity and negative self image. It could be false humility as well, as Angie said. But I see this in me and my husband … when you grow up thinking that you just can’t do good in one area, but you really want to, and you make an effort to change or do better … When someone tells you you are doing good, it sometimes hits your heart as an un-truth … because you’ve spent so much time believing that the opposite is true. It’s also a hard thing to recognize. Great job seeing this! And thanks for being transparent with it. :)
By: annie on August 25, 2007
at 4:59 pm
that must have been hard to share. i remember on one of my last missions trips some of the other team members scolded me for not receiving compliments. i know this is a bit different, but it can still be hard. i think, maybe for me, it would be that i want to believe that but i really know what goes on in my head and some poor attitudes, etc. that i might feel like its not true. hmmm. good job on making the choice to accept and congratulate yourself on change! love you. how you doing wo niel?
By: danielle on August 26, 2007
at 2:51 am
Wow, thats a huge change! I can remember that night of the fire like it was yesterday….you are in my prayers!!!
Mo
By: Mo on August 27, 2007
at 10:14 am